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Nina Louise Jantzen Chapel Hill, Carrboro, North Carolina

First let me say first and foremost, I absolutely, totally blame my stupid husband for the state of our relationship in the past 13 years, I blame him for the pain to my children and myself due to his selfish, arrogant, immature decisions he made on his own. However, I am posting my story because the skanky loser who for whatever reason, thinks she has been in a relationship for past 13 years with the fool, would get off scot free not being accountable to her part in breaking up a 25 year marriage and all the pain she contributed to myself and my children. Now that my marriage is over, I feel that everyone should know how this ugly, selfish, skanky, piece of ass w****, inflicted herself into mine and my childrens lives secretly.

Where to start, 13 yrs. ago I found out my husband was having an affair with this thing he hired to be his onsite project secretary. We had a construction company and he did the actual work and hiring while my office was in the house taking care of all the bookkeeping, billing, insurance, bids, basically, everything else except the construction work itself. I also at the time had a 5 yr. old and 2 yr. old, while I was raising them, taking care of them, running to schools, playdate, doctor appts, being room mom for the classes, etc. There was many a time I was in my office at 2 and 3 in the morning so that I could be mom for my kids. This was my choice and I loved doing it so I’m not complaining, however, I think that is why my idiot husband allowed himself to be in the position for the affair to begin. Lets face it, I was probably not giving him the ego stroking he needed and she provided, but heck, we were already married 11 years. I thought I was killing myself trying to play all the parts so we would have something later down the line. At this time, I wasn’t paying myself anything. We plain didn’t have the money for paying company bills and house bills. Anyway he hired Nina Louise Jantzen (hereafter called the loser, w****, skank, you get the drift). They met at the rundown low income apts where she lived (obviously not working) with her daughter (yup, you guessed it, shes never been married) when husband (hereafter called stupid, idiot, ass, cheater and my favorite, liar.) The skank came outside and asked if the idiot was looking for any help. She told him she is a single mom and he felt this would be great seeing that this was turning out to be a much larger and detailed project, so he hired her for a little over min wage. Of course told me about her would often come home talking about stupid things they talked about. I wasn’t a jealous person and after 2 kids, and 11 years, thought our marriage was solid so I didn’t really mind. After all, she knew he was married and had no problem cashing the full time weekly payroll checks printed up and signed by me. After a month or so I laughed and asked him if he was attracted to her because he brought her name up more and more, and he was like no way, he laughed and started saying how she just wasn’t an attractive thing and not real bright, but was fun to cut up with. This is where I was the idiot, but really didn’t think this was anything I had to worry about. Well after being with my husband for over 12 years already, I felt I knew this man completely. I just knew that he would never hurt me like that. The only so called friends he made was people who worked for him. He identified himself as a man by his job. He has no hobbies, no interests except watching TV, no other friends other than the losers who worked for him and looked up to him as boss man. He gave money out freely if one of them came to him with sob story. Needless to say we did have several arguments over the years because of this generosity, especially since he had no clue to our company or personal finances because I took care of those. Well, this loser Nina was no different. Sob story, single mom, no money, kids father is worthless, no skills, no degree, nothing but poor me, but I guess she knows how to open her legs for someone to “help her out”. In other words – by the book w****. Well, after a few months my husband started acting different. He would like start arguments with me and started coming home late, etc., we all know the flags… My friends and mom even ask me if I thought he was having affair or something. I would answer that he would never hurt me like that (dummy me truly thought that) but after a few more weeks of this much change, I wanted to meet the “onsite” secretary. Every time I told the lying cheater I was coming to job site he would get mad and tell me I was going to cause problems. He needed me in the office to take care of this or that. Things were getting worse between us. I just thought it was because we were losing money big time on this project because owners of complex wasn’t paying like they should have. I was getting really scared, we went through our credit lines and now we would risk the house. I would tell him our financial situation and bitched to him and begged him to stop working on complex until we got paid up to date. Better to make no money then lose more due to expenses like payroll, materials, subs, gas, etc.

On 12/13/2000 was the day I found evidence of their affair. It’s fair to say he didn’t trade up. Like many I found it through cell phone records. I didn’t confront either of them that day because I wanted to get some things done to try to protect myself and my children. I felt like the ground opened up and I couldn’t get balance, shock of course, but this rocked me to my very core. How many times do people say the woman is the last to know… I still had to act normal for my kids until my head stopped reeling. The next 12 hours I took care of things like cancelling cc, moving bank accts, getting names of attorneys and making an appointment, changing locks at home, etc. Husband knew something was different with me that night and didn’t make his usual nightly calls in garage like he did before. The coward went to bed. First thing next morning after taking kids to schools, I confronted husband on phone and of course, he denied everything. Tried to tell me I was just looking for something. Told him I was firing his w**** immediately and he had to find somewhere to go, my home was not open to him at this moment. I called loser (at her home, because at this point, she wasn’t working on jobsite I learned later, for she was at her home number throughout the day and night) and told her she was fired immediately. That dumb thing had balls to ask why. I told her that her position is done and her services would no longer be needed. Can you believe she tried to apply for unemployment that next work day… like I would let that go through. She called husband after hanging up with me and told him I fired her and could I do that. He had to say yes, I own 50% of our business. Later that day got mom to watch my children while I went to attorney to start separation papers. I had always said I would never put up with cheating and couldn’t think of anything else. That whole day and night he was trying to talk, leaving messages that I was crazy, it’s not what I think, they are just friends, telling me how much he loved me, crying, pleading for me to talk and work thing out. We all could write the playbook on things said when caught. Truly textbook.

Well here it is 10 days before my daughters 3rd birthday and xmas and my mind on overdrive. My children didn’t know what happened but knew something bad was going on because mommy was crying in other room and would hear anger in my voice when speaking to daddy. I tried so hard to just keep things normal and it breaks my heart that I just couldn’t pull it off. After a couple of days I let him in house to talk. It was your typical conversation for something like this, but bottom line he begged to come back home, swore it was over with the loser, agreed to counseling, blah blah blah. Maybe it’s an excuse, but knowing our financial situation was not good at the time, believing that after 12 years and 2 kids together and seeing how pissed and hurt I was, plus seeing that I was not someone who would stand for this so I thought, I let him back in (to sleep on futon) and agreed to try to work things out. Honestly, having a 5 and 3 year old, I was plain scared not to try. When he came back into house, there was the “honeymoon” period, but needless to say, I was pissed.

Ok, for next year we went to couples counseling, went through hell because she was an employee (I know, hahaha) had her on all my business report taxes and payroll records so I had to keep being reminded that he let me sign full time paychecks to this loser w**** (SOMETHING I WILL NEVER get over) I was also being my own detective for several years making sure there was no contact, starting to pay myself so I could have a few dollars of my own, and basically thinking this was a horrible mistake, thought I got how it started and we could get our marriage back to a decent place. All this time, I always felt like that skanky, loser was in the background. It was just a gut feeling. I couldn’t find any evidence of that and told myself that it was just me being paranoid. Idiot husband was telling me that I need to get over this, it’s over, he said he was sorry; I was not letting this go, etc. (as well as counselor telling me I was obsessing and had to move on) eventually (after about 3 years) let the obsessive detective work I was doing die down. I found out later from the skanks sister that her own father cheated on her mother and it broke up their marriage, so she knows first hand what families and woman go through. I’m sure it’s not fun to watch, I hate my kids had to because of them.

 

Fast forward 7 years from that horrible day. Our marriage doing OK, kids growing up and doing great, business is back and doing wonderful, going on vacations as a family and as a couple, basically best revenge by living well. 2 days before my b-day and week away from thanksgiving (and husband’s 50th bday on thanksgiving to boot) I see some phone calls (lots and lots of phone calls) in a detail phone bill. Husband wasn’t there at the moment and I called the number. Well guess who it was, I got that things voicemail. My knees buckled, head reeling, shock set in while I kept looking at this piece of paper I know what it sounds like but this truly came out of nowhere! (hence, beating myself up for so many years for being stupid and trusting) when stupid walked through door after a few minutes, to take me for lunch and planning a romantic weekend (this after just hanging up with the loser before he walked through door come to find out) he comes in all happy go lucky, not a care in the world, smiling… Until he sees the shock on my face. He asks me what’s wrong, if I was hurt, etc. I go to where he stood at the door and punched him in the mouth and started screaming whose number was this. He said it was his brothers, so I punched him in the mouth again. Each time he lied, I kept punching him until he grabbed my neck to hold me back from being able to reach him with my fists. (I do have to say at this point, we have never had any violence or verbal or physical altercations between us ever, he could have hurt me if he wanted to, but he just held me back from trying my best to see blood run down his face) I started screaming and asking if this has been going on for past 7 years, of course, he said no. Told me it was nothing but calls, someone to talk to, just friends, blah, blah, blah.

I got in my car and drove home but first straight to her house. I wanted some answers and thought it high time we met. To give credit where due, she opened the door when she asked who it was and I said, your boyfriends wife. I asked her if this has been going on for past 7 years and she said same as him, they saw each other at a gas station a few months earlier and just started talking again. Told me that she considered him a good friend and had the balls to ask me why they couldn’t stay friends. As I said, she’s not real bright. She told me she doesn’t have any friends or family around and her daughter didn’t want much to do with her, stayed away from home. Shocking right. Stupid is burning up my phone trying to get me to answer since I left him, when my phone rang while I was in her nasty, smelly home, I told her to answer it. The b**** starts off with “hi honey, she’s here”

When I start screaming why is she calling you honey and the loser waves her hand says she calls everyone honey, as no big deal and my idiot husband backs her up! Later in the week, I even sent her pictures of my children and wrote, these are the people you both are hurting, it’s not just me! Please stop this relationship, nobody will win and everyone will be hurt.

I got home, had locks changed again on house, called my old counselor, and just cried. The lying cheat asked to come over the next day to talk; dummy me let him in, mainly so I could just go off on him. He’s trying to tell me he’s not going to talk to her again, they are just friends, blah blah. Needless to say, I’m in shock, in hell, pissed, basically shaken down to the core of my being yet again and it’s with the same skanky w**** I thought was long gone. I went back to my counselor and tried to get my head from spinning again. This time my girls were 12 and 10 and financially we were in a better place. He begged and pleaded to come back in house, for me to forgive him, let him show me I’m the only one, yeah yeah, heard it before didn’t I. Like I said, it was a few days before thanksgiving and his 50th bday and a few weeks before we were to leave on a special family vacation to celebrate his bday we had been planning for about a year. To this day, I don’t know why I did let him back in the house (I never gave him a new key to my home to this day), I feel like this was one of the biggest mistakes I did to myself by not throwing him out for good.

Then 6/15/08, father’s day, he was out and I tried to call him on cell phone to ask him something. He didn’t answer and me being still in detective mode went into his voicemail to listen to messages like I have several times over past 7 months, who is there a message from. Yup, that thing he calls a friend. Talking about a bunch of nothing, but asking if he was upset because of the water bill and ended this 5 min. message with I love you. This came from out of nowhere again, and threw me for a loop. I knew what was going to happen when he got home and called my mom to pick up my other child. Meanwhile I was throwing his crap into trash bags so he could take them with him when I threw him out. When he got back about 15 mins later, he and my mom pulled up at same time to pick up my daughter. The idiot knew something was desperately wrong and we walked in house and I let him know that his piece of s*** friend left him a lovely message, especially how it ended and how she didn’t say thank you for paying some water bill for her. I threw his crap down the steps towards front door. He pinned me in the stairs while I was hitting and punching and screaming. Of course denial of everything. I started kicking and screaming to take his crap in trash bags and go to his trash friend. He immediately tried to call me from his truck wanting to talk. Hahaha, funny how a cheater wants to “talk” when caught. After that he stayed at motels and over next several days I retained a very good, very expensive attorney to start divorce papers. I told my kids later that daddy can’t live with me anymore, they would be able to see him or talk to him anytime they wanted to. Nothing was going to change, we were still Mom and Dad. This was husband/wife stuff. I knew they would blame me, that’s how he got me to let him back in house the past November. This went on until end of August, all the while telling me that he has had no contact with the skank, she kept calling him, he’s so sorry, he misses me, pleaded to come back home, yeah, yeah, yeah. My daughters 13th bday is in late August and we planned her first boy/girl party at the clubhouse in our neighborhood. The afternoon on the day of party we were all at clubhouse getting it ready. I was on ladder putting up decorations and wouldn’t you know I fell off the damn ladder. Thought it was just broken ankle cause I couldn’t move my leg. Had to get an ambulance and as I was being wheeled out I told my family I’d be back in a couple of hours, needed to get cast and crutches (and pain meds!!!). Went to hospital and they took x-ray’s and damn if I didn’t crush my tibia. (big ball part of bone that connects to knee) I was so out of it because of pain meds I didn’t know they took me to a trauma hospital and by the time I knew what was happening somewhat, the party was supposed to be in full swing. Thank god for my friends because my idiotic husband has no clue about what to do giving a party. After party was cleaned up he came straight to hospital. The orthopedic doc came in about 2 am and tried to explain to me (us) what the injury was and what needed to be done to repair it. I was going to be off my feet for next 12 weeks or so, I was facing at least 2 surgeries in that time, then another 7-8 months after that with recovery, and getting back up to walking again. All I really understood at that time was I was going to be down for some time and I kept saying I am so screwed. I looked at the cheating liar and said I have no choice but to ask you to come back in house. He was very, very happy to oblige. I even said it had to be with the understanding that there could be no contact his loser friend, which he had been swearing on his and my children’s lives that it was over. That ugly, skanky thing was never going to be an issue again and he would work on getting my trust back and wanted his marriage. This all happened about a week before he was supposed to be getting served papers from my attorney. After coming home a few days later to recover from first surgery and wait for the next surgery to actually put in the pins and plates, my lying, cheating husband was wonderful. Took great care of me, hired help to come in to help me, took off from his work to help get the kids to wherever they needed to be, take care of household stuff, and plain making me feel that the only thing he wanted was for me to be comfortable and not worry about anything while I was down. After couple of weeks I started to warm up to him. Stopped putting f-ing piece of sh-t after his name in my head. I started seeing the man I married and fell in love with, not the lying, cheating, idiot that he became. I told him I wanted to work on our marriage, that we both had lots to fix and change, but I was ready if he still wanted the same things. Told him we had to do marriage counseling and we both needed help and we both needed to take a look within for how each of us messed this relationship up. Of course I made sure to say he couldn’t have ANY contact with that thing he calls a friend, she had to be gone for good, and he excitedly told me “already done” and said she has been gone since father’s day, the skank meant nothing to him and he loved me and wanted us to stay together, raise kids together grow old, blah, blah. So that’s what happened. We went to counseling (different counselor) for next 3 years, one of the main issues was trying to regain my trust and deal with my anger. When I said I needed him to call the loser and with me there and on speaker phone tell her he wants nothing to do with her, etc. He said he couldn’t do that and just didn’t want any communication with the skank. Looking back that should have been a huge red flag along with some other things, but I was trying to learn to trust him again, Dummy me, thought the nightmare was over, we started really enjoyed each other, thought our marriage and relationship really was going in right direction, going out and doing vacations as a couple, even looking and found my dream home. We had been going to marriage counseling for about 3 years at this point and we talked alot about the affair and what it did to me, to our kids, to our marriage, and to him. I kept asking over and over though, “how long”… never got an answer, or just got, “I already told you”. (again, should have been a HUGE red flag) I really thought we were going to be good. Because we found the dream home we were in negotiations for price and all. I pictured us so very happy there and said in counseling how I saw this as a new start and was excited to have that. I started going through our stuff trying to get a head start on packing once we agreed on price. It took longer than most because owners were in and out of county during this time, but I just knew we were getting our home. As I started throwing away papers and bill from our file cabinets for our company from years earlier I saw old cell phone bills with the call details on them. Saw that during all those years he was indeed having an affair. This was a huge betrayal because it was talked about lots and lots during counseling, during our private conversations, me asking over and over “how long”. He kept saying he was only in contact with the w**** only a few months and only by phone and would get mad at me that “I wouldn’t let this go and how I needed to trust him and move on”, etc. Realizing I had the proof that it had been going on for all those years absolutely sent me into a spiral. I just plain shut down. I stopped negotiations on the new home, I went into a bad place (I knew that there was no more trying, marriage was over because I just was never the type of person who was going to be able to move on from that). I was only going through the motions on auto pilot, my kids had to go through watching me going through depression yet again, but this time was different. Everyone noticed and saw me getting worse by the week, many of my friends and our counselor started getting very concerned, because I am normally a very strong person and always had been. My lying, cheating ass of a husband was only one who acted like everything was ok. This went on for several months, however, even though I didn’t see any evidence or anything, I still had that nagging feeling in the pit if my stomach that the skanky w**** Nina was still around. I had also told him that if I did see any evidence at all that he is in contact with that thing, he would be out before he could say goodbye, which he would say, fine, no problem, I’m not hiding anything. After the first of year (2011), still very depressed and still having that gut feeling, I looked up another land line he had, saw online that while he wasn’t making calls to loser (probably because he knew I was in detective mode big time) but online I could see the details of calls coming into that number from her number, several times daily and nightly. I almost felt better, I wasn’t nuts. He came home that night and I waited until the next morning once kids were out the door for school. I then asked if he had any contact with that piece of s*** loser and of course, deny, deny, deny, trying to tell me I was crazy. I showed him the online page with several weeks of call details. He just said its only phone calls. I smiled and said it’s only your marriage and that’s now over (funny, I didn’t punch or anything this time, I guess I had the night to digest the information of being betrayed yet again) I opened the door and just said, bye. He knew there was no use saying anything at that point so he left and made sure he heard the deadbolt right behind him and thought, OK, this is it, no reason to not think there is anything to consider. This time for some reason I felt stronger, I just felt better. That night I told my children (separately) what happened, gave them the details of what I’ve been going through for past 10 years, not all the awful details, but explained why daddy had to leave several times and reasons he got back in house each time. That I tried to keep our family together. Now that they were older I felt they should know more of why their mother was going in and out of depression all these years and why I was so many times mad at their dad. It wasn’t a shock to either of them except for the fact it has been with same person and it went on for over 10 years. So many things suddenly understood! I explained to them this time it was over and asked what they thought. They both were so supportive to me. I could tell they felt better just knowing after all this time. Of course, the idiot started asking if he could come back into house, he has nowhere to go, I suggested he finally bite the bullet and be with his loser w****, she’s been bought and paid for, might as well use her. I told him he could see our kids anytime and the only thing he was going to lose was me. I kept reminding him that we have been counseling for over 3 years and all he did was lie, there was absolutely nothing to talk about, what the hell was he waiting for, go to the w****, leave me alone, you have my blessing. He said no, he didn’t want her, that if he wanted to be with her he would have already left me for her, didn’t care about her, just had her around for someone to talk to. Couldn’t believe how he could still have the balls to look at me much less our children who obviously didn’t matter that much either. I think he was staying at a hotel again for about a week, he would keep calling and wanted to meet to talk, I kept saying there was nothing to talk about. Afterall, we just pissed away over 11 grand for marriage counseling. Told him that if he told me sky was blue, I’m looking out a window because I trusted him that much. I finally agreed to meet him for coffee just to tell him stop calling and that nothing he said would make a difference. The lying, cheating fool told me I’m the only one he ever loved and wants to be with. It felt good when he asked to come back I just looked at him and said I think were done here and why would I believe you? You would think OK, that’s all folks, but no. Wouldn’t you know, about a week later his mother up and dies. Stupid cheater asked me if I would please help him with arrangements. After 24 years together, I felt I owed him at least that much. At the funeral, I looked at each person coming in waiting to see if the skank walked in. I had all intentions of pulling the b**** out by the hair on her head, didn’t care what anyone thought, but didn’t see her there. After the funeral I told him he could stay at house until he got his head together with her and funeral and will and estate, however, I made it clear, if I find any contact with the loser, he will be out of my house within 15 mins. Can you believe he was insulted that I even thought he would? My children told me later, separately, they thought I was wrong for letting him back in, now that they knew what I have dealt with already. That was a real surprise to me. I just told them, I have a lot of history with their father, he’s a nice guy, and I thought it would be better for them also. I made no secret that my marriage was over. I told him after his mother died that if he still wanted the construction company we own, buy me out or I would shut it down. I was not going to work together anymore. He said he didn’t have the money to buy me out, so 27 days later, after 22 years, I shut it down. I never wanted to be a bean counter in the first place!!!!

For two years he stayed in the house, I have to say a lot of the reason is because he’s easy to have. There was no war zone. I would ask several times over this time, what are your plans, when are you moving out, suggesting he go to his loser friend, this marriage is done, etc. Each time he would act surprised and say, “I thought we would work things out, would say he didn’t want to leave, he wasn’t having anything to do with the loser” I admittedly was an iceberg; the walls were up, reinforced, and staying. He would many, many times try to get me to go away with him, have dates with him, have sex with him (ugh, the thought of that made my stomach turn so it was easy to pass on those offers – his small contribution has not been missed or considered memorable. The skank must not have a high bar in that area of her life along with everything else. Many times over this period, I would out and out ask, have you talked or seen your w**** you call a friend. He would always say no, but I never believed him and he would actually get mad that I didn’t ever believe him.

One day, March 3, 2013, at 1:00 in the morning, I was looking online at some banking (his banking), and low and behold what do I see. In one month, 5 different checks made out to Nina (w****, loser, skank) Jantzen. All cashed, I guess she doesn’t know what a bank account could be, in the total amount of over 2800.00. I wish I could say I was shocked, or pissed, (OK, I was pissed), or even hurt. I printed copies of the checks and he got up to use bathroom, I told him he was to leave NOW. He acted all confused and what’s the matter, what’s going on. I told him he knew – he could see I was struggling to not come at him, but I shook the pages I was holding in his face and told him he was out of here NOW, his crap would be on front porch by morning, he tried to grab the pages in my hand and yes, I cold cocked him one time. Got him right in the mouth, he could see that if he didn’t leave right then, I would actually get something better to hit him with at this point. I’m not proud of myself for acting like that – it’s sooooo not me, (and not proud, but my god it felt good), I’ve never hit anyone before, however, there is a constant denominator for those very few times I ever lost it like that, it’s that piece of s*** he calls a friend. He left through the front door, I said don’t let the door hit your ass, while I shut it and he about fell down the stairs. (again a good feeling and nothing like making him leave at 1:18 in the morning, sticking to my word) While I was irritated my daughter didn’t clean out the litter box on a regular basis, it was perfect to go into it, break up some clump pieces and get some cat gifts and toss into the bags and suitcase along with his crap. Dogs lie with dogs, s*** stays with s***. I made sure to fill all the jean pockets with a little bit of gravel so he could think about our sweet pets he also can’t live with anymore. I only wish I didn’t confront him so quickly, I would have had time to spray paint in a beautiful fuchsia pink, CHEATER on the sides of his truck he is so proud of.

I told my children what happened, they were shocked and my youngest was very, very angry and said she loves him but doesn’t respect him. She told me she wants an explanation and an apology and is to this day, upset he has not given her either. Shocking right, when she told him she felt she deserved it, he just looked at her and changed the subject. My only comfort I could give her was that she deserved both and I hope one day, she’ll get what she needs from him. I did tell both kids that if they ever did meet the w****, they didn’t need to be polite to the loser that helped break up their parents marriage.

He has never asked to come back in house after that morning, however, he looks for reasons to come and hang out and comes over to take kids out several times a week, but usually comes in house to see if I would talk to him. My cousin one day told me something that helped and changed my attitude since. She said, he wasn’t a good husband, but will be a very good ex-husband and I should think of him like that, and she’s right, he is a nice guy.

They say the best revenge is to live well. Ok its taken 13 years of my life. Years I will never get back from all the pain and anger, but at least I am at this point of acceptance (still get pissed unfortunately, but working on that) but living my life on what makes me happy, content and satisfied. I’m posting this for New Years 2014, because after this gets posted I will not spend one more moment of my life thinking about this sorry excuse of a woman that my idiot fool of a husband still doesn’t want. I also want to tell all the women out there to TRUST YOUR GUT!!

Today, I am getting everything I want, after beating myself up for so long on how I didn’t know what was going on, hating myself for taking him back in so many time, believing his stupid ugly face lies and having my children (who have been my strength through all of this drama) having so much of their childhood corrupted by these two asses and making me not be whole for them because of these lies. I have the respect of my children, friends and most of all, at long last, myself.

This homewrecking loser my idiot husband threw away our 25 year marriage for is the one who knows when she looks in the mirror, nobody wanted her, and she stayed in a 13 year fake, secretive and lonely relationship. What could she really have gotten out of it? A couple of dollars, some bills paid? No holidays, nights, birthdays or special dates. A relationship that nobody could know about, he won’t ever have her in a real relationship because he’s embarrassed. He won’t ever want to introduce her to our children. I’ve asked him several times over the years if she was worth it for all the pain caused by his choices. He always (I felt sincerely) said “no”. This thing he called a friend knows she’s pathetic, and if karma is real (and I know it is), she better watch herself. Someday, something is going to happen in her life or with her daughter and it will be tenfold. I have nothing to feel bad about anymore, I know I was good to the lying, cheating ass, I know I was where I needed to be, raising my kids, and figuring out who I am, enjoying my wonderful friends and kids and doing what I want to do finally, just for me. For all you women who have been betrayed, I wish I had some comforting words to help the pain. (I can give a good hug) All I can say is for the first time in so many years; I’m happy, excited and looking forward to a New Year! Even threw a great party last night!! May all of you have peace, trust, friendship (real), health and most of all love.

PS – sorry for length, I type fast and had lots to say.

 

 

Comments

comments

77 Responses to “Nina Louise Jantzen Chapel Hill, Carrboro, North Carolina”

  1. That was so long I forgot what I was going to say

  2. Bri says:

    It doesn’t end. My husband has a few exes that say they “are friends” and they do not leave him alone. One even went as far to say I am uncivil if I don’t let her be my friend so she can stay in contact with my husband. It has been five years and none of the so-called women that he knows will ever leave us alone.

    • keeping it real says:

      Maybe you should read this story again so that you can know where your marriage might be headed. Why doesn’t he tell them to go away?

  3. Nicki Skyles says:

    Such a strong woman you are!
    I wish you the absolute best!

  4. keeping it real says:

    Your story is so moving. I truly felt your pain and had to stop myself from crying. I am always amazed at how a husband can hurt his wife and children in such a cruel way. Over and over again. The homewrecker didn’t care about the pain she caused as long as she got cash from your stupid, weak husband. He really does owe an explanation to his children for breaking up their home for his own selfish needs. I just don’t think he has the balls to tell his children that his needs were more important than the needs of his children. Your story puts the fear into me. Your story would be my worst nightmare if it happened to me. To lose my family that way, I don’t think I could bear it. Yet, you survived what that douche and that w**** did to you and you should be extremely proud of that accomplishment. Your story can serve as a reminder that it is not always wise to forgive the cheater.

  5. Wow! says:

    Thank you for your story. You truly are an inspiration to those of us who are still trying to work things out in our marriages, but also have that gutt feeling. (one eye is always open) I can say that I don’t blame you one bit for punching him over and over. I bet that felt good. 13 years is a VERY long time, and he does owe your children an explanation and an apology. What slime your ex AND the homewrecker are.

    Best of luck to you!

  6. Matthew says:

    Loved this story! It brout me to tears seriously :( Poor woman, anyway so out of anger i looked this skank up and wow her and her daughter both look like major whores! I wonder if he is still seeing her! Girl was raised on w**** money. She should be ashamed of her nasty skank of a mother! Ps her nose and teeth and she always looks high wtffffff

  7. WHAT A w**** says:

    Just went to her FB and she looks like a meth w****! Sad, sad, sad…..Nasty, nasty, nasty….

  8. Jamie says:

    Good lord that’s a lot for one person to have to deal with. My heart and prayers go out to u and ur kids. Hugs.

  9. Stephanie Walker is a Cock Hound says:

    Wow, youre a really strong lady! Im glad to see youre happy :) Very good story :D

  10. vivi says:

    What do u mean counting beans f*** your company was only making money cause does Mexicans you call beans were the ones f*** ing doing the labor work. Oh n your the only reason you suffered the last 13 years of your marriage because u forgive him the first time.

    • Clarification says:

      Hey vivi– a “bean counter” is a phrase for an accountant, which is what this wife did for their business. It is an old school phrase, and is literally referring to beans (like the kind you eat). It is in no way a racial slur or insult. Just FYI.

    • SharonR says:

      Vivi, is that all you got out of this story? I suggest you go back and read the story again. In no way is that a racial slur. And so what if it was Mexicans doing the labor work. The wife said hubby was always very generous with the employees, giving out money, etc. Check it again.

    • jackie says:

      Hey Vivi..ur a stupid b****!

    • Julia says:

      I would think automatically connecting beans in one’s head with a Mexican would make one a racist.

    • breezy214 says:

      Wow, this may be the dumbest comment ever.

  11. js says:

    Sooooo…did he bang her?

  12. Angel lover says:

    You are a very very strong woman! This story breaks my heart for you and for your two girls. That skank looks so creepy! Your liar ex-husband owes your daughters an explanation!

    The homewrecker obviously has no conscience whatsoever to have done this to your little family. The liar has no conscience either. I wish you and your girls every happiness. May God send angels to watch over you and your girls with peace and comfort.

  13. SUCH A F'N LADY says:

    THIS WAS DEFINITELY LONG, BUT PERFECTLY WRITTEN WITH ALL DETAILS INCLUDED, EXCEPT FOR WHAT ENDED UP HAPPENING TO HIM? ARE THEY TOGETHER NOW? DAMN, CAN WE SAY EYELID LIFT? IS SHE OLD?

  14. Tiff says:

    This is probably one of the most detailed and heartbreaking posts I have read yet. Such a strong woman to put up with that for so long. I understand why you continually let him back it, it is hard to let that long of a marriage with kids just go without at least trying. At least you know you did everything you could, sorry he still continued to be such a selfish a******. I wish you nothing but the best in the future. Maybe you should take up boxing as a hobby ;)

  15. Chris says:

    Your statement about him not being a good husband but a good ex-husband nailed it!

  16. JR says:

    Got wrenching story. Sorry you had to go through that.

  17. Katie says:

    Wow.. it’s like you were telling my story. It’s a shame that this type of thing has to happen. I wish you well.

  18. Louniece says:

    You are an incredible writer and an even more incredibly AWESOME human being! ♥♥♥♥

  19. jackie says:

    Your story was written so great..you are very strong and its so hard to just walk away.This lady is just nasty looking and obv dosent think much of herself to be someones w**** for this long.

  20. Amy says:

    While im very sorry for all that you went thru, I enjoyed reading ur story. The best by far. Have a wonderful life.

  21. I'm Just Sayin' says:

    If more if these stories had the details yours does, I would be more inclined to truly believe the woman was a Homewrecker. You, ma’am, are what every wife and mother strives to be. You put up with so much for so long, I’m amazed you lasted. One part that struck me was the counselor (the first time) basically telling you to stop digging and basically saying you were crazy. Especially given the fact that your womanly instincts were, in fact right on target.

    Anyhow, kudos to you for “living well!” It truly is the best revenge!

  22. dave1234ca says:

    They say if you let a person talk long enough the lies will come out.

    Paragraph #6: “I go to where he stood at the door and punched him in the mouth and started screaming whose number was this. He said it was his brothers, so I punched him in the mouth again. Each time he lied, I kept punching him….he just held me back from trying my best to see blood run down his face

    Paragraph #12: “Got him right in the mouth, he could see that if he didn’t leave right then, I would actually get something better to hit him with at this point. I’m not proud of myself for acting like that – it’s sooooo not me, (and not proud, but my god it felt good), I’VE NEVER HIT ANYONE BEFORE…” (Emphasis added)

    Question: Why would a successful businessman continue to find solace in the arms of a “loser, w****, skank, you get the drift”?

    Answer: Years of counseling wasted. Being constantly scrutinized and under investigation. Oh, and let’s not forget if a guy wrote he continually punched his wife in the mouth just to see blood run down her face I wonder what the comments would have been like.

    Sometimes even sleeping on the street is preferable to sleeping with certain people but I’m sure her husband is doing just fine, in any case.

    • Sheeshandreally says:

      To The Wife – Don’t worry about Dave1234…this person seems to usually take the side of the husband and the homewrecker. In his posts it is usually the wife that is the problem.

      • dave1234ca says:

        I try to be fair, Sheeshandreally. I call them as I see them. I notice you didn’t comment on my remark if it had been a guy punching his wife in the mouth hoping to see the blood run down her face.

        You probably missed that when you skimmed my post. I understand. It’s OK.

    • When you dissect some of these stories I certainly would not want some of these ladies for wives, Heck not even a house cleaner

      • dave1234ca says:

        Even criminals under house arrest have more freedom than the husband did and that went on for years. I’m sure he’s happier now. Who wouldn’t be?

        • keeping it real says:

          Then he should have left instead of torturing his wife for thirteen years. I think he loved his wife, he just loved his penis more. As for punching him in the face, she probably shouldn’t have done it but at the same time, I think 99% of us understand why she did it. Another thing, if it were a man repeatedly punching his wife, our reaction would absolutely be different because a man is capable of causing significant and permanent damage if he were to repeatedly punch a woman whereas a woman would probably just leave a little redness behind. Neither is okay but the scenarios are very different.

          • dave1234ca says:

            “the scenarios are very different”

            Not necessarily. Often the force of a punch is determined by the weight behind it and…..well, I’ll leave it at that. :)

            The wife played detective. If I recall she spied on him for 3 years. I understand the need to check on him after an affair but for 3 years? If she didn’t find any evidence after 6 months or a year don’t you feel she should have quit? Surely her actions affected the relationship. How can one show love when they are continually mistrusting the person? Obviously she didn’t trust him all that time.

            It looks like they tortured each other. The husband must have sensed being “watched”. He knew any day the locks could be changed. What type of loving relationship could develop under those circumstances?

            As a side note when people talk about “trading up” or “trading down” one would think they’d understand looks and money have little to do with a romantic relationship. Of course, people who believe it’s all about looks and money would naturally express their romanticism in that fashion.

            To them it’s not the passion. It’s the dollars. It’s not the lovemaking that turns them on. It’s the clothes the person wears. The looks and the money may get their attention, the foreplay in a sense, but when it came to actual lovemaking there’s nothing there.

            We frequently see that on here. Most home wreckers are not models nor wealthy individuals but the man prefers making love to them over their perfectly coiffed and attired wife who returns home in her Mercedes convertible. She may look good but as the old saying goes, “The proof is in (eating) the pudding.”

            If a man is interested in a woman for the natural attributes a woman is assumed to possess, which I believe most men are, then trading up or down is not something that is outwardly evident.

          • JR says:

            Then you are freely admitting that men and women are different and should not be evaluated the same within a similar context. Are you sure that is what you want to say?

          • keeping it real says:

            JR, I said a man hitting a woman is capable of causing significant and permanent harm, a woman probably not so much (unless she is a trained fighter or something). My point is that men are physically stronger than women. That is it. We all know it to be true and this should not be a revelation to you. Legally speaking, domestic violence is against the law. Nobody should put their hands on anyone else. If the wife would have gotten in trouble, she would have deserved it. However, as I said before, I understand her anger and I understand why she lashed out.

          • dave1234ca says:

            Great logic, Keeping It Real. You write, “I understand her anger and I understand why she lashed out” but you wouldn’t understand a man’s anger and lashing out if the situation was reversed?

            What about a mother and child? Oh, say, a 12 year old girl whose mother did something to piss her off. I’m sure we can all understand the girl giving the mother a good slap across the face. After all, it shouldn’t be a revelation to you the mother is much stronger.

            Your opinions and comments are those of a man hater, a bitter woman. I don’t know your story but it’s obvious someone burned your ass.

            There is no difference in the assault whether it’s a man assaulting a woman, a woman assaulting a man or a young woman assaulting her mother. Get over what ever is eating at you instead of encouraging women to divorce and become miserable like you.

            In plain English deal with it. You’ve never got over whatever happened to you in the past.

          • c.s. says:

            Before i say any more let me make a disclaimer here!!

            HE HIT ME FIRST. GOT THAT?

            I had a boyfriend…and he was a big guy…strong!! But, I was the only girl living in a house with four brothers…it was learn to defend yourself or get an ass whoopin. I also saw my father hit my mother..

            My BF had never hit me before. We went out one night dancing. I was dancing with some girlfriends and a guy came over and started trying to dance with me. Not only did I not encourage him, I walked off the dance floor and back towards the BF…I knew he was a jealous guy.

            Not like that helped. He started accusing me and getting mean. I said I wanted him to take me home. While I knew he could get bitchy and ornery…he never got physical. He pulled over on a road by a corn field and started arguing with me. I was trying to just keep it calm so we could get out of there…he was starting to push me around and I was getting afraid. I begged him to stop.He kept it up and I finally told him to leave without me and I would hitch a ride home…and to never call me again.

            I started to walk away from him and he spun me around and punched me hitting me right in the eye. Took awhile to shake it off and get up. I tried to walk away again and he went to grab me and raised his fist again.. I went freaking bat shyt crazy. I was scared shitless..and possibly the the stuff of watching my dad beat my ma went thru my head..who knows..

            All I knew for sure was that one of us was going to get their ass kicked royally that night..and it wasnt going to be me. I remember all the punching,scratching, kicking and hair pulling…and that was just me.

            Long story short..I went home with a very bad black eye.

            He on the other hand, went home with TWO VERY BAD black eyes ( not red marks..lol ) and a badly busted lip, not to mention what had to be multiple bald spots on his head…what he did not go home with that night was a girlfriend. At least not this girlfriend…ever again!!

            Keeping it real…you’d be amazed at the damage a woman can do when she is protecting her kids..is in a highly emotional state or as in my case…flat out scared shitless.My brother ran into the ex BF in a bar a week later. He told him ” I suppose we should have warned you…she fights tough like a dude and crazy like a woman…you never has a chance!! I asked my brother jokingly if he “beat him up for me” and he said ” from the looks of his face you did just fine yourself”. Alot of women, more now then ever know how to protect themselves and have learned how to do serious damage.

            I do not advocate abuse…but I strongly believe in protecting yourself.

          • keeping it real says:

            Dave, I said it is never okay. I don’t know how else I can phrase it. Anyone that strikes anyone else unless in self defense, is wrong. I don’t even spank my kids (yes, they are very well behaved). As far as being bitter, if I can be bitter for my sister, I guess I am bitter (im not bitter). My marriage is lovely. I have never been unfaithful. He has never been unfaithful. He comes home from work everyday like clockwork. I have access to everything. I hate talking about my marriage or myself because I don’t want to be one of those people, but you are wrong about me and my life. I feel blessed. If anything, after reading about this immoral skanks, I value what I have even more. I should be offended by what you said, but I would need to value your opinion and I just don’t. Have you noticed that you get a lot of thumbs down?

          • dave1234ca says:

            That’s fine, Keeping It Real. I don’t post to get your approval.

            You wrote, “However, as I said before, I understand her anger and I understand why she lashed out.”

            Here’s a question for you. Would you understand a man’s anger and understand if a man said he wanted to punch his wife in the face until he saw blood running down?” A simple “yes” or “no” will suffice.

            As for my opinion my beliefs have kept me in a happy, 17 year marriage.

            When I read stories from beginning to end and they start off with a long suffering wife who finally, after years of struggle, physically assaults her husband, throws him out, refuses to try and salvage a 25 year marriage and then tells us how great life is there are only two conclusions I can draw.

            The first is either the long suffering part is BS as people do not go from being passive to violently aggressive and unforgiving or…well, I guess I have to repeat myself. The second part is BS, as well.

            The poster wrote, “Years I will never get back from all the pain and anger, but at least I am at this point of acceptance (still get pissed unfortunately, but working on that) but living my life on what makes me happy, content and satisfied.”

            Sorry, but when I read something like that it’s not written by a passive, long suffering person nor someone who is happy, content and satisfied. At least she admits she “still get pissed unfortunately, but working on that”.

            She talks about 12 or 13 years of misery? Give me a break. Woman’s lib didn’t happen yesterday. If life was such Hell she could have walked earlier, much earlier.

            I’m not getting dragged in to this woe is me tale. Or woe was me but now I got my sh$t together tale.

            My take on it? She has thrown away 1/2 her life and is realizing there is no pot of gold at the end of the divorce rainbow as many here try to let on. I can see the anger and bitterness oozing out of this post and that’s the take-away people need to concentrate on when divorce is being considered.

            But, hey, we all have our experiences that we draw on. My divorce was a God-send for me but not so much for the Ex. Unfortunately, I have seen a few divorces. From young, single moms to older folks it hasn’t been a pik-nik for them.

            So whether or not you value my opinion is of little concern. I post for those considering divorce, those who have “friends” who fan the flames of anger and will quickly disappear when it comes time to pick up the pieces after a divorce.

            All that said I do wish you well. May you have a long and happy marriage.

    • JamieLynnMack says:

      Dave I’m pretty sure she meant she has never hit anyone before/other then her husband.

  23. Betty says:

    Keeping it real, I’m sorry, I have to comment. I am happy you haven’t had to go through the heart break of extra marital affair, because it’s not fun. I’m not going to say I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy because my worst enemy cheated with my husband. So, yes I would, I guess. Getting through the wedding vows is not as simple as it looks. (For better and for worse) well having an affair is pretty bad, but we are working through that. (Through sickness and in health) well I have mixed connective tissue disease, and he has chrones and gout, think we are working through that one. He got mad when I got sick, I got protective when he did. (For richer and for poor). When I met him, he didn’t have a pot to piss in ir one to throw it out of. Now we own a business and we are doing great. (Forsaken all others till death do us part) well we had trouble with that one, because I’m damn sure not dead yet! And he didn’t forsaken…lol.

    Basically, what I’m trying to say is. In your head you have in mind what you would do if your husband cheated. Hell, I did, and it’s damn sure not what I’m doing now. You don’t know until it happens to you. Which I hope it never does.

    This is the way I feel, this man that I adored, love with all my heart. Trusted with my life, I rode on the back of a motorcycle with him, so yes I trusted him with my life. Lived and breathed, and slept cuddled up, I couldn’t go to sleep without touching him. Ate with, argued with, laughed with. He told lies to me, and cheated with several different women. He might as well just yanked my heart right out of my chest, because that’s exactly what it felt like. I filed for a divorce, then reconciled. He still loved me, and I him. We are working it out. That’s been two years ago. Do I trust him, no. Not fully. I still have phone issues, especially when he receives a text. Do I think we will last? Yes I do.

    • keeping it real says:

      Betty, I have seen my sister go through it. Her homewrecker is evil even though it happened a long time ago. I have never hated anyone as much as I hate my sister’s homewrecker for what she did to my sister’s family. her family wasn’t perfect but her children were happy kids. All that changed. to see my beautiful, much-loved nephew and niece suffer, has hurt us so much. To this day, many years later, I see how they are still negatively affected. What that w**** did, in conjunctiion with my dumbass ex brother-in-law, is unforgiveable. She pretends to be so sweet to my nephew now but she hurt him so much even after she got what she wanted through manipulation. I blame them both but it takes an especially rotten soul to do what this evil b**** did to reach her goal. The details could fill a book. I always thought I woud cut any man loose he cheated on me. I honestly dont know what i would do now if it happened. it is one of my worse fears. My family is everything to me. I have sacrificed a career to be home with my children. It has all been worth it because we are truly blessed and happy. We have our moments but I believe that my husband, due to his childhood, also values our family above anything and everything. I see of a lot of that on this website. Women who could not imagine their husbands ever cheating, yet that is exactly what happened. I think these women thought what I think, that their husbands would never risk it (losing the family). Yet, these men cheat and bring destruction to what they should hold most dear. It is soul-crushing for a woman to know that her partner didn’t share the dream enough to be loyal to it. I was cheated on when I was a teenager (boyfriend was 5 years older). I was crushed. I learned that men aren’t to be trusted (this can be a very bad thing in a new relationship). My husband has had to pay the price for my view that men too easily stray. I know that it is an absurd view to have but I cannot get rid of the feeling after so many years. My husband is patient and kind. I love him so much, even after twenty years, that it really does scare me to imagine life without him. My point is that I always thought I would be a strong woman and dump any man that cheated on me. Now, I don’t know what I would do if it were to happen. I know my husband still thinks I wouldn’t think twice about staying with him if he were to cheat and i really think he would never risk it. Then again, we have all the evidence on this website that men are willing to risk it all for the lowest of the low. I only advocate for divorce in the most extreme situations. Women have a right to try to fix their marriages even though it is not always wise. Dave is full of s*** when he says that I flippantly tell women to get divorces. I think divorce is appropriate when the affair is ongoing, children are being hurt, or a woman is in an abusive situation. I hate that many commentors pick on the betrayed wives for trying to make it work. we are not in their shoes. we don’t know their anguish, can’t know the particulars of their marriage and the exteme hurt and confusion they feel. I wish they (Captain Dumbass, for example) could be banned for being so venomous to the wives that were betrayed. Anyway, this is long enough. I hope you understand where I am coming from.

      • Betty says:

        Yes, I understand what you’re saying. I can understand where Dave is coming from too. He is all about saving the marriage. In some cases, no. I think he knows when things have gotten too carried away. His is a little bit more tolerable than you on some things. My breaking point is different too. Everyone has their limits.

  24. dave1234ca says:

    Keeping It Real, you wrote, “I understand her anger and I understand why she lashed out.”

    All I’m saying is I doubt you would have the same understanding if you heard about a man punching his wife in the face hoping to see the blood flow. Well, the truth is I have no doubt. You wouldn’t. You made that clear by saying the man is much stronger. But in case I’m wrong, just to clarify, if a man “gently” punches a woman in the face just enough to see the blood flow you would be understanding? Would that be accurate assessment?

    As to whether you value my opinion my remarks are aimed at people considering divorce. There is no pot of gold at the end of the divorce rainbow. I’ve seen both young and old people divorce and it’s not all champagne, parties and great times. Of course many put on a good front but taking a closer look at their lives when they are alone one sees many live a quite different reality.

    The first obvious thing is when a woman says she did all the work in the marriage. Who does she think is going to do all the work when she’s alone dealing with the children, cleaning the house, etc.

    Have a good day.

  25. Last says:

    Hi, I’m the betrayed wife of this post. I want to say a couple of things.
    First, I wrote and posted this more for therapeutic reasons to let go of some things that needed to go, hence, a New Year.
    Next, to the many people who wish my children and I peace, well wishes, and even congrats, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I really didnt know if I would even get any feedback, and honestly didn’t think about it when I did write and post my story. So many of you gave me a warm fuzzy that did more good then you will ever know. Please know that you brightened some strangers world and may karma come 10 fold to you for it.
    I would like to say (seeing this was such a hot button issue) that while I did loose it and punched my stupid, stupid husband and tried my best to see blood, I didn’t really hurt him – more his pride. I never ever went off on anyone before, even the nasty skank when I knocked on her door many years ago. If my idiot husband wanted to call the law on me for domestic violence, it would have been justified and would have smiled for the camera downtown. (This after I probably would have hit him with the phone before I handed it to him myself). I have been very supportive all my adult life to helping organizations that help all women and children in their desperate hours. My marriage has never had abuse of any kind except for these unfortunate times. It wasn’t right, but you never know what shock and blind anger will do. Its not something I plan because I never thought I would have dealt it not once, but several times. However, my bad.
    Last, dave123ca – GET A LIFE! I can’t believe the amount of time and energy you waste to enlighten these uneducated souls with your thoughts, opinions, and breakdown of certain sentences you pull out to debate.
    Are you really happy in your own life?? I think many of us would rather enjoy the special people who enhance our world instead of debating strangers what you think is important in “their” world. Maybe doing what you do helps you feel important and brighter then most. You’re not, but whatever rocks your boat right.
    I already went through years of crap, beating myself up, not feeling worthy of being treated with more respect from my spouse. Today, nobody is going to make me feel I shouldn’t have respect, love, trust from a spouse, I may be the only one who feels I deserve better, but thats enough for me right now.
    By the way my girls are doing great, (they are terrific, no drugs, sex or alcohol…. so far, hahaha) My relationship with each of them is wonderful and happy and we are very close (for having 2 teen girls, I feel I did a great job raising them pretty much alone)
    As far as idiotic husband, no he’s not in a real relationship with the sorry excuse of a person he calls friend, but at this point, who cares.
    my only secret regret I have at this time is that the skank or her friends or family wont see this story and know that the person they think they know what damage, pain and suffering, one selfish, deadbeat, w**** has caused to so many innocent people and only question left is Why….?

    • Betty says:

      Thanks for updating us:)). I’m glad you are happy.

    • dave1234ca says:

      Last, the betrayed wife, writes, “Dave1234ca—-– GET A LIFE!”

      HAHAHAHAHA. Being told to get a life from a person who has to post their life on the net. Now THAT’s funny.

      Last: “Are you really happy in your own life?? I think many of us would rather enjoy the special people who enhance our world instead of debating strangers what you think is important in “their” world. Maybe doing what you do helps you feel important and brighter then most.”

      Yes, my life is very nice, indeed. I’m retired so I have plenty of time. Oh, and a wife who is a professional, employed and nine years younger. What more could a man ask?

      As for debating strangers on what’s important in their world I never debated you as I can recognize a lost cause. My purpose here is to counteract the brainwashing and outright lies perpetrated regarding divorce. The first one being people saying “I moved on”. Yep. Sure. In some cases, years later, the person recounts every minute detail as if it happened yesterday. Not only giving a blow by blow account but causing one to wonder if the exuberance is simply a mask for dark, hidden feelings.

      Last: “I may be the only one who feels I deserve better, but thats enough for me right now.”

      Note the preceding paragraph.

      Last: “my only secret regret I have at this time is that the skank or her friends or family wont see this story and know that the person they think they know what damage, pain and suffering, one selfish, deadbeat, w**** has caused to so many innocent people and only question left is Why….?

      Why? Do I have to explain this to you? Your husband chose a “selfish, deadbeat, w****” over you (Or in addition to. Perhaps that sounds better.) and as for the damage she caused so many innocent people you wrote in your original post, “….2 kids, and 11 years, thought our marriage was solid.”

      So you were happy. Your two daughters were happy. Most likely the grandparents were happy and quite possibly other extended family members such as aunts and uncles and cousins were happy. Who changed everything? Whose actions caused the pain and destruction to those people? Certainly not your husband’s as he had been doing the same thing for the past 12 or 13 years. It is the way you handled information you obtained but this is the same, old story. People divorce but they never accept the blame that THEIR actions resulted in the disruption to everyone around them.

      It’s all about them. They’re strong. They will show everyone. They aren’t going to try and correct things. Their ego comes first even if it means disrupting the lives of everyone around them. And in the end they still can’t let it go.

      That’s why I’m here. To point that out to people who are contemplating divorce. To help them realize the “I’m going to divorce the bum!” high is like a person high on drugs. When they finally “come down” reality gives them a swift kick!

      Making my point, you wrote, “As far as idiotic husband, no he’s not in a real relationship with the sorry excuse of a person he calls friend, but at this point, who cares.”

      Ahhh, who, indeed? Couldn’t be you, could it? You’ve moved on, right? Well, almost. As soon as the skank or her friends or family see this story you’ll move on. Then it will be all forgotten. Right? Unless your husband happens to find happiness. Then what? Your anguish will be in direct proportion to the happiness he finds and that’s going to burn a hole right through you. I’ve seen that, also.

      You wrote, “….I was probably not giving him the ego stroking he needed…”

      Unlike you it was not his ego that needed stroking. :)

      So, yes, I do have the time to sit here and comment on these stories and, yes, I do feel I am doing a service when I see stories of distraught people trying to come to terms with what happened and other people screaming, “Divorce the pig!”

      They married the “pig”. They love the “pig”. They want help to deal with things and repair the life they had with the “pig” because it’s their “pig”. And maybe, just maybe, they are thinking about someone other than themselves. Their children and all the others who will be affected by their actions but you wouldn’t understand that. Maybe that’s because you never really had your “pig” to begin with and deep down inside you know that.

      I’ll end on this. You wrote concerning me, “Maybe doing what you do helps you feel important and brighter then most. You’re not.”

      Please. Talking about being bright a “selfish, deadbeat, w****” managed to entertain your husband for 12 or 13 years and you wrote, “….2 kids, and 11 years, thought our marriage was solid.” Perhaps you’re just as mistaken now as you were then. I doubt you even consider that because like the “high” I previously mentioned this divorce high sounds so familiar to the typical alcoholic, or dry drunk. They were right when they were drunk and they’re right when they’re sober.

      That’s the thing with the ego driven individual. They freely admit having made mistakes in the past but they are never, ever wrong in the present. They won’t even entertain the notion they could be wrong in the present even when things are clearly pointed out to them. Things that I pointed out like waiting for friends and family of the “other woman” to see this post. Things like you don’t care what your Ex is doing but, strangely enough, you know exactly what your Ex is doing.

      Can I make it any clearer?

      • keeping it real says:

        I think many of these wives divorce when the pain of staying is more than the pain of leaving. Dave, how much would you tolerate from your wife before you decided to end it? Would you let her date another man, have sex with him and then come home to you? Would you continue your marriage if your wife spent more time with her boyfriend than with you? If your wife helped out her boyfriend financially, bought gifts for him, spent countless hours talking and texting with her boyfriend, even in your presence, how would you feel? What would be your breaking point? Many of these women know that divorcing their cheating pigs will cause hardships in many areas. Financially speaking, things will change. However, I think when they just can’t take it anymore, when they begin to lose themselves in the agony of one of the worst betrayals, when it is too much to bear, they leave. The wife was right when she said that you will find a few sentences in a comment and just pull them apart. We are human, we do the best to express ourselves but it gets muddled due to the emotions. Of course this woman hurts. Of course she questions her decisions, past and probably present. Nobody is perfect. The way you pick on these women astounds me. Have you ever been cheated on? It is truly agonizing, soul crushing pain that feels like you can’t breathe. You want to make it into a simple black and white issue. It is not. Women will do almost anything for their men and for the relationship to work. They will accept and tolerate a lot in the name of love. When they decide to leave, I’m almost positive it is not a spur of the moment decision. It is a decision based on weeks, months, years of pain and betrayal and the thought that they just cannot take one more minute of the torture.

        • dave1234ca says:

          Keeping It Real writes, “Have you ever been cheated on?”

          Yes, I was by my Ex. After she told me she was having an affair she said she wanted me to move out and work on the marriage.

          Yes, you read that correctly. She wanted me to “win her back.” I posted my story on another thread but the synopsis is 2 days later there was a death in the family and I received a modest inheritance which allowed me to get an apartment, a car and have enough money to live on for a year. She wanted me gone and I was gone 3000 miles. Also, where I live inheritances are not shared. I didn’t have to share it with her. I started a new life, never looked back and she despises me to this day. Of course, the guy she had an affair with later dropped her like a hot potato.

          The story gets better but I don’t want to bore anyone. If she had wanted to work on the marriage I probably would have given it a shot but to “win her back”? HAHAHAHAHA

          Now, as to your comment, “It is a decision based on weeks, months, years of pain and betrayal and the thought that they just cannot take one more minute of the torture.”

          Maybe in some cases but not in this one. Remember she wrote, “….2 kids, and 11 years, thought our marriage was solid.”

          Read her post again. The man was generous which means he was also generous with her. I bet a lot of woman wish they could say that about their husband!

          The truth is everything was pretty darn good until her ego got busted and her ego comes through quite clearly through comments like her husband had “no other friends other than the losers who worked for him”. Isn’t that nice. She refers to the people whose labor she was making money from as losers.

          Yes, I do “find a few sentences in a comment and just pull them apart” because that’s where the truth lies. It has a way of sneaking out when people ramble. They’re the clues to the type of person she really was and I don’t think it takes a lot of imagination to figure out how she treated her husband. After all, he had losers for friends so what does that make him, at least in her eyes?

          • JR says:

            Damn Dave! Thanks sucks. I had know idea. I’m glad you are in a better place now.

          • keeping it real says:

            Dave, I asked you how much you would be willing to tolerate from your wife if she began seeing another man. I’m really curious how much you would tolerate, considering you tell most of these wives to deal with it. Please, if you can, answer each question I asked in my previous post. I would appreciate it

          • dave1234ca says:

            Hi Keeping It Real,

            You asked, “Dave, how much would you tolerate from your wife before you decided to end it?”

            That’s a tough question as it depends on many things. How long we had been married, if we had children, how everyday life was before I found out, if it was still ongoing, if my wife desired reconciliation….

            For example you asked what if she bought gifts for him. Were we struggling financially while she was running up the CCs or were we comfortable and she bought the occasional tie? (Do people still buy ties for lovers?)

            While every case is different the first thing I look at is how was life before the person found out? In other words is that life worth keeping? If a person can say, “I hate what you did but I had a nice time/life before and while you were secretly doing it” then the marriage is probably worth saving. If life was hell throughout the marriage then probably not.

            Something I’ve mentioned before, not sure if it was on this thread, but I’ll mention it again. Most people have an out-of-touch view of affairs. From thousands of years ago when an illegitimate child could wrongly inherit a kingdom, change allies and the resulting wars to little over 50 years ago when a single Mom inevitably ended up in poverty and, in some cases, had to give up her children being unable to support them affairs were serious business. Times have changed but one could say the danger of affairs, the repulsion we have towards them, remain in our genes as a survival instinct.

            I’m not saying affairs are kool now. What I am saying is we have to look at them in the current light. A straying partner is not threatening the lives of his children or abandoning his wife to abject poverty. Besides women being better educated than in the past and able to find employment there are government programs and mandatory child support.

            I often hear “how could he do this to me/our family”. If one divorces that question is appropriate as a divorce definitely does affect the partner and the family. A divorce does something TO the other people. They have to change their lives whether it involves moving or doing without a partner and daddy.

            An affair is not doing something TO anyone (well, except the obvious between the man and other woman). Children, say, under the age of 10 have no idea what an affair is. Why can’t Daddy have a friend? Older children may suspect something but how many children are aware of the sex lives of their parents? Daddy is working late. The typical teenager has so much going on in their life they don’t keep track of Daddy’s work schedule.

            My point is when I hear someone is divorcing for the children’s sake regarding an affair it almost always is due to how the wife reacts and it’s time “we” looked at affairs in the proper/current light. Yes, they are wrong but the consequences are not like they’ve been for the last 2000+ years. They don’t have the same implication.

            I hope my answer was satisfactory.

          • Anna Fair says:

            @dave1234…….Soooooooo you left your children 3000 miles away with a drunk….Well as long as your life was better after walking away from your marriage and divorcing the piglet because of HER affair…..guess when it comes to pigs and piglets rules are different…..but then hasn’t that always been the norm.

          • dave1234ca says:

            Anna Fair writes, “Soooooooo you left your children 3000 miles away with a drunk.”

            First, my wife never drank until after we split. She didn’t even like alcohol when I was with her.

            Second, I doubt she was interested in a reconciliation. She just wanted me to dance for her. Did you even read my posts?

            Third, I kept in touch with the children and never missed one child support payment in almost 15 years.

            Fourth, I didn’t want the children involved in two legal jurisdictions. If I had pursued it and shown my wife to be incompetent the children would have been taken by the government until a decision was made and knowing the bias towards women her legal fees would have been subsidized by one group or another.

            So, to get my children the best outcome would have involved the children taken from both parents and placed in the court system while I went into bankruptcy trying to fight the government, various women support groups and, of course, my wife.

            I wasn’t going to be a pawn in her game. I lived my life so I was always available for the children and, of course, we all see the outcome. Dad is doing fine and Mom is…well, not quite there shall we say.

            Karma? Who knows. Most unfortunate but not my doing. And one other thing in case you missed it. I had my first grandson last year and my son named him after me, not after his stepfather of many, many years. That pissed off the Ex. She said so at the dinner table in front of everyone. She just can’t let it go.

            Perhaps this might shed some light on things. I and my Ex drew up a statement at the time of what she wanted/expected and what I was taking from the home, etc. and had it notarized. One evening my son, who was about 20 at the time, asked why I left so I gave him the notarized agreement to read. :) Told him to take his time and I would get it from him the next morning. Not her word against mine nor mine against hers. No spin. “Just the facts, Ma’am.”

            Next morning I asked if he had any questions. He had none. He knew the facts.

            Now that he’s a man he can see how his two parents turned out.

            I rest my case.

          • Mark says:

            YES OR NO——Dave, do you have profiles on dating sites?????????

          • dave1234ca says:

            “YES OR NO——Dave, do you have profiles on dating sites?????????”, Mark asks.

            YES! I DO. LOL

            Now before everyone jumps up and down the reason is for the forums. I do not have an actively running profile and both my profile and location are fictitious but should anyone contact me I tell them I found someone.

            I dated for 10 years between marriages. All ages, shapes and sizes. Even had a couple of short term “relationships” if one could call them that so I feel my opinion is just as valid as anyone else’s when it comes to dating and with two marriages and a divorce under my belt I feel my opinion on marriage is just as valid as the next person’s.

            While I’m addressing you I want to say I notice your posts show little sympathy at times. However, I do enjoy reading them.

          • Mark says:

            So they are “old”, hmmmm ok, I wont pick any more you admitted it!! Amazing how someone took time to find you

          • dave1234ca says:

            “Amazing how someone took time to find you.”

            What’s amazing is they grab onto a profile by someone using a similar handle and then use that to try and discredit me. Their arguments fail miserably so they try to use an incorrect profile as an “AHHHA” moment. I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised as I’ve come to see what SS refers to as “research”.

            If it makes them feel good who am I to rain on their parade?

        • dave1234ca says:

          Thanks, JR. I knocked the ball out of the park when I met my second wife. Of course, I had 13 yeas of experience behind me. I knew what to look for and what to avoid. 17 years now and going strong.

          Lots of sex and don’t be bitchy. That’s all I ask. :)

          • JR says:

            Going on 25 years for me. We married very young. I never really considered cheating. Although, there was a period of time early in our marriage, where I wasn’t getting sex or affection. I suppose something bad could have happened then, but we worked it out. We’ve never had the ups and downs that women on this blog write about so often. How many times have the wives on this blog written “We were having some problems”, “We’ve had some ups and downs”, etc. The wife and I made two rules and stuck by them: 1) Never go to bad mad. 2) Never use sex as a weapon.
            Life is good.

          • dave1234ca says:

            Good for you, JR!

            Yes, they write about ups and downs and problems and separations and not getting along then continue with “but we had lots of sex”.

            Who knows? I’ve heard some gals like their derriere slapped when having sex. Maybe that’s how they took out their anger. A rip-roaring fight followed by a good spanking. HA!

          • Betty says:

            JR, good rules to live by:))

          • Anna Snow says:

            @ dave1234…..Do you ever get a nosebleed way up there on your mount dispensing your sermons? After perusing some of your comments I’ve noticed that you monotonously ascertain that it’s the fault of the wife when a man cheats. She didn’t give him enough attention or enough sex. You also seem to feel that a woman should work hard to save her marriage because the betrayal was not meant to hurt her……Question….Why did you withhold sex and attention from your first wife and force her into an affair?…..Why did you move hundreds of miles away from your wife and children rather than put your family back together ?………and speaking of pontoon boats don’t you think that sermon you shared with this wife on 1-22-14…11:45 was a tad melodramatic…..the only thing missing was you standing there with a fistful of dirt stretched up to the sky screaming ” as God is my witness I’ll never be hungry again”.

          • dave1234ca says:

            Hi Anne. You wrote, “After perusing some of your comments I’ve noticed that you monotonously ascertain that it’s the fault of the wife when a man cheats.”

            But you’ve only read some of my replies. On occasion I have blamed the man. I suggest you look further.

            Now let’s take a look at your questions. You ask, “……Question….Why did you withhold sex and attention from your first wife and force her into an affair?…..Why did you move hundreds of miles away from your wife and children rather than put your family back together ?…”

            My wife never liked sex. I have explained this before but considering you like my comments so much I’ll indulge you. After she remarried she phoned complaining about her new husband and how he was always after her. She said to me on the phone and I’ll repeat it word for word, “You know me. I never liked sex.” I’m sure you’re familiar with the saying, “The silence was deafening.” Well, there was silence. If there was one thing I knew it was she didn’t like sex. Of course, like any guy I always thought it was something I was doing or not doing so it put that to rest.

            Why did I move? My Ex told me she was having an affair AND she wanted me to move out AND she wanted me to win her back. You read that correctly. She took the gamble. Where would I go? What would I do? The odds were in her favor I’d do puppy dog tricks to get her back.

            Enter the fickle finger of fate. A close family member died two days later. She phoned me at a friend’s place and told me. I boarded a plane that evening and travelled 3000 miles. Over the next few days I found out I had received a modest inheritance which would afford me an apartment, a car and enough money to live on for a year. As they say the rest is history.

            Well, not really all the rest. She did phone me once to tell me her husband pushed her down the deck stairs and she broke her arm. I visited the kids occasionally and they came to visit me. Every time I went there she was drunk. Funny thing is she never liked alcohol when we were together.

            Anyway, the years pass, her husband rents the basement apartment in their home to a pole dancer (I met her on one of my visits. Nice looking young lady!) and eventually my Ex had a stroke. My son refers to it as her “nervous breakdown”. I never inquired about it. All I know is she is now unable to leave the house by herself. So, she destroyed a family and, in the end, herself.

            How is my life? Well, I’m sure you’ve read enough comments about that. I’m doing quite well, thank-you.

            Lastly, let me address the sermon I gave on 1-22-14…11:48. As I’ve said many times one of the reasons, perhaps the main reason, for being here is for the benefit of people who have recently discovered an affair or think there may be one going on. People yell, “Divorce the pig. Life will be so much better.” Well, is life better? Certainly not from what I’ve personally witnessed and certainly not from the majority of posts on here. If life was so good would people have the rage we see?

            If someone wants to throw away a marriage and family over an affair I just think they should know the true results and consequences. That’s all.

  26. CatieBGood says:

    You are wonderful-this sounds like my story exactly, but I only have 4 years of this on/off crap. My 2 daughters are the same age as yours – good luck to you – aren’t you amazed at how these husbands can completely change from when you met them? Glad you are moving on

  27. Anna Snow says:

    After looking through this site I’m thinking that 80% of these stories are Jerry Springer rejects…..but not this one.This story is what the site is and should be about. My thoughts to the wife is that this didn’t happen because you didn’t stroke his ego. How often did husband send you flowers,just because—-offer to cook dinner to give you a break—-take the kids to the park so that you could have a long soak—tell you you’re beautiful—tell you that he loves you…….you know,stroke your ego. Guessing seldom if ever,yet you didn’t seek comfort from another man.You’re a strong woman who worked along with husband to build a future for yourselves…..Difference being he spent his time sharing (very low thread count) sheets with another woman while you chased his children around and took care of his home. His choice was a strong capable woman at home or a needy woman in the projects.The needy woman made him feel like a much taller man with much bigger feet (know what I mean). Sad part here is that he will soon be 60 and in this phase of his life he will become quite needy and this needy man be spending his retirement years with a needy woman……while you on the other hand will spend your retirement years with your children and grandchildren with a really big grin on your face..Luckily for husband Viagra will help with his feet…….Really curious about whether the 13 year affair was physical the entire time or turned into an emotional affair after you found out and does she work for him now…in an upright position……Best to you and your daughters.

  28. bogartus820 says:

    @Last…..wife in this story…..You deserve a medal,just for surviving this ordeal sane.I think your husband really loves you,he just got so far down the rabbit hole he couldn’t get out. It seems that more than starting an affair with her he adopted her and feels that cutting her loose is impossible.After seeing her I don’t think there’s any passion involved,more caretaker.If you ever revisit this page maybe you could tell us if they’ve seen your story and their reactions……..PS..I’m sure after your chat with her sister she told the rest of her family.Blessings to your family.

  29. justcurious says:

    Is the ex still with the sorry excuse of a woman he calls his friend? She lucked up when she latched onto this sugar daddy. Bet she no longer lives in the run down apartments.

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