You don’t know me. You only know what he has told you of me. Perhaps that I am crazy or boring or selfish. Or that things that have happened to him in his life are somehow my fault. Those are his usual lies. Surely you are smart enough to look into some of that for yourself, rather than just believe a man with a motive. But you don’t know me. If you did you would not violate me and trespass in my family. If you knew me you would know what the last 14 years have meant to me. If you knew me you would see the love I have for my family, the passion I share with my husband and the fierce protection I exercise over my children. You would know I care deeply and I don’t hold grudges. That I forgive easily and carry the weight of our family on my back. That I have been to hell and back and survived so I don’t give up easy. You don’t know the depth of my soul, the audacity of my heart, my faith in my God. You don’t know what I’ve been through and overcome and I will not tell you because you don’t belong here and you don’t deserve to have intimate knowledge of me. I have nothing to prove to you and obviously, if he has painted me in a negative light, I don’t care. Because he knows my worth. That’s why he is still here. You, nor anyone else, will push me out of my life. You will not steal what I have built for my children. You will not take what does not belong to you. Not from me. I have stood by this man when he had nothing. Together we built what we have today. I know how it feels to take his name, have his babies and hold his head up when he is weak. I know how it feels to fall asleep in his arms and wake there without guilt or fear of being “found out”. Mine is the name he whispers when he is afraid, when his father died and when I hold him in our bed. I know how it feels to have him proudly say, “Here is my wife and these are my kids – my family” when he introduces us to strangers. And to hear the world acknowledge our family, the beauty of our children and the smile on his face. I know how that feels. You do not. No, you don’t know me. And you don’t deserve to step into my life.
You don’t know my children. How they resemble their father. How they learn from his every move. They always watch. Listen. Absorb him into their minds. They worship the ground he walks on. I made sure of that. Little girls need their fathers and a healthy relationship with him to develop mentally and emotionally. I support that in our home. He is our leader and our rock. You don’t know my children. You don’t see the fear in their eyes at the thought of losing their family. You didn’t wipe their tears and hold them when they saw your pictures. You weren’t touched by their insecurity when they see and find out about another one of you. They aren’t babies anymore. They are smart and perceptive. Beautiful and intelligent. Not fooled by the likes of you. They don’t want you here. They want their family. They want to know that they matter more to their father than yet another desperate lonely woman. They want peace and emotional safety in their home.
You don’t know my husband. I know him inside and out 14 years’ worth of mostly ups and a few downs that made us. 47 years that made him. His family, his needs, his desires, his weaknesses and his strengths. You don’t know him. You know what he tells you of himself. What he pretends to be in a dirty little secret world. It’s in his heart to serve the Lord and lead his family as a Kingdom Man, but his flesh is weak. Satan preys on him to distract and destroy and you are but one of many of the enemy’s tricks. Yes, TRICKS. My husband is caught in a spiritual battle and he is losing as you continue providing satanic ammunition. Manipulative texts, dirty pictures and Satan laughs at both of you and the destruction you seek to deliver. No, you don’t know my husband. If you did, you would know that he will not leave me. Not for the kids’ sake or child support but because he LOVES me in a way you will never know. In a deep and eternal way that doesn’t stop even if our relationship did. He desires me in a way he never has anyone else. I provide a sense of safety, stability, warmth, passion and freedom that no one else will. Unconditional love and acceptance in the safety of his covenant of a family. If you knew my husband you would know the juvenile infatuation that prompts him to reach for you will prompt him to reach for another if he was without you. That the chemical reaction in his brain is nothing more than a horny-teenage impulse and is unstable at best. The deep, abiding and familiar love he seeks he has at home. That when he is truly alone, it’s his family, not his harem that he misses. If you knew my husband you would know that romantic texts and sweet nothings are his player’s lines. Not his love language. He speaks his love in his actions – love is an action word for him. He shows it in making sure his family is taken care of in every way. All his empty words might get you to send one more dirty video or maybe get him laid, but he will tire of you soon. If you knew my husband you would want the best for him. You would want him to listen to the Spirit and God and move in the direction he moves him, which is not anywhere near you, my dear. You don’t know him.
And lastly you don’t know yourself. If you did, you would value yourself too much to settle for being someone’s part time, down time or pass time. No matter what loss you have suffered in your life (loss of a spouse) to create this gaping hole in your heart, my husband cannot fill it. It’s a burden he cannot bear and even if he left me to be with you, the weight of your need would smother your future together. It’s a need only God can fill and he needs to heal you before he can bring you a man to love you in the way you desire. If you knew yourself you would be honest about a relationship with a taken man and the destruction it causes. You would guard your heart and not be a trap for any man. If you knew yourself, for the sake of being a woman you would refuse to hurt another woman, let alone her children. If you knew yourself you would save yourself for a man who is proud to have you by his side instead of denying he knows you. You would require a man to be free and available before you would give any piece of yourself to him. You would not fight for or pursue a man who was not equally invested in your love. You don’t know yourself.
I can only hope you know me better now, my man, my children and yourself. I pity you and I pray for you. And I forgive you. I pray that you will be relieved of guilt, healed of your hurt and that you find happiness. And I pray you leave my family alone for all of our sakes.