My husband and I have been married for 17 years. We have a ten year old daughter who used to think the world of her dad ( and is slowly coming back around to those feelings). Like every couple who has been married for many years, we have had our ups and downs – times when one of us was too busy for the other, for me that being taking care of my daughter, for my husband that being his career. The first few years of our marriage were difficult because I worked all the time and my husband was a medical resident taking call every other night for years in a row. We worked hard to make a successful live for ourselves. Nothing was given to us! We were both very ambitious and very hard workers. Once he finished residency, we began trying to have a baby. It took a few years but we got our amazing baby girl. In my eyes she was a miracle – a gift to me from my deceased father-in-law since I had been told by several fertility specialists that I was very likely infertile and should consider adoption. Just when we had resolved that we would be a childless couple, I became very ill and eight weeks later we learned that I was pregnant. I was so happy to be given the chance to be a mommy that I vowed I would be the best mommy a child could ask for. So along the way, through the years, she became my priority – not my husband. But at the same time, I was no longer his priority. He was deeply devoted to his career and being the best that he could be. I don’t think that either of us deliberately distance ourselves from one another, it just happened. Don’t get me wrong – we rarely fought or argued. I thought we had a pretty decent marriage.
UNTIL the past year or so when my husband turned very angry and hateful towards me and my daughter for no apparent reason. After a year or so of wondering why my husband had suddenly turned into a monster, I confronted him about his attitude and his air of secrecy. The secrecy, I felt, was mostly about money and a general lack of communication, but when I confronted him he told me that he had been seeing someone that he worked with for about a year. I felt like my heart had stopped beating and that I might die. I certainly never expected to hear those words from him. I thought I had married a special man, a man unlike all the other men I had met in my life.. I thought I had a husband who respected himself too much and loved his family too much to ever let himself go there. Come to find out this person (with three kids by two different baby daddies) had been knocking herself out to seduce my husband while they were working. Supposedly she would “bump” up against him with her breasts and bend over in front of him with her thong hanging out of her scrubs. He says she relentlessly pursued for at least nine months before he gave in and hooked up with her. (Keep in mind that she had a very small child at the time, like two or three years old and two older children who were teen or pre-teen.) In my opinion, a good mother is more interested in her children’s well-being and happiness rather than chasing a married man. May I also say that this person knew my husband was married with a child, and she just didn’t give a damn! Still doesn’t. No remorse, or guilt, or shame on her part at all. She thinks she was perfectly justified in doggedly pursuing a married man with a daughter who thought he hung the moon. She nearly ruined my marriage and my daughter’s soul, but thank god I came to my senses and decided that some skanky w**** doesn’t get to decide when my marriage ends – I do. My husband has the deepest regrets for what has he done – not only for how it has affected me and my daughter, but also how it has affected our extended family and friends. He was one of the least likely guys you would expect this behavior from and complete and total shock is what everyone in my world felt when they learned of this situation.
My husband and I love each other and are resolved to keeping our family intact. We have been working with a therapist and both he and I have changed. He is the husband I always wished he would be, and I in turn am trying to be the best wife I can be. I would like to not be one of those people hell-bent on revenge and destroying the wanna-be- home wrecker, but she has no remorse and continues to try to contact my husband to this day even though he made it clear to her months ago that she was the biggest mistake of his life. Their affair continued off and on for 18 months, mostly while I was away with my daughter on mommy/daughter trips. I would love an apology from this person. I would love for my family (and her) to be able to move on and heal but she does not seem open to that so I am going to make sure that the world knows what kind of person she is. A selfish, egotistical, immature, thoughtless, gold-digging, piece of trash.