Need advice…

Need advice…

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I think I’m falling in love with my college professor. I am his TA this semester, and we have become inappropriately close. We have incredible chemistry and even though he is my teacher, I find myself fantasizing about having a relationship with him. He is not much older than me, and I’m almost certain he feels the same way as I do. The only problem is he is married and I am already starting to feel like a HOMEWRECKER. We are constantly in contact with each other and he’s always complaining about how horrible his wife is. He thinks she’s having an affair and he tells me he wants to leave her. He just asked me to accompany him on a trip next month, and even though it’s school related I feel like we both know what is going to happen. Am I in too deep already?? Am I a terrible person that belongs on this website if I have sex with him????

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  1. CommentJuly 21, 2018 at 8:12 am

    You are already having an affair and a wanna be homewrecker. If he really liked you he would have left his wife-he seed you as desperate, not smart and easy to use and throw away.

  2. LOLJuly 10, 2018 at 8:17 pm

    You already are a homewrecker if you’re having an emotional affair with a married man. You definitely belong on this website.
    Furthermore if he wants to be with you he will leave his wife and be with you. If he hasn’t left yet then you’re the side chick.

  3. The Best FriendDecember 30, 2017 at 7:34 am

    I know we can’t help who we fall for. And I know that this is late and you may have already been on that trip with him (despite all the comments suggesting otherwise) bc my best friend WAS YOU. She had a similar relationship (quite a few) with a married man whom she worked with and became incredibly close with. They DID have a wonderful chemistry and if at a different time in different circumstances, they WOULD have been an amazing couple. This was a relationship she had never had before; one of passion, genuine interest taken in her, personal, intimate & all the things we see on TV. Literally. She is married to a very detached man whom has always been detached from the beginning so she was already in a longing for situation herself. HE overheard a conversation she had with a coworker about some other guy messaging her and I guess realized that she would be ok with infidelity- as he was married to his HS sweetheart and they have 2 (now 3) little children. So – he had the opportunity at a Christmas party to put that into conversation after many cups of wine and my friend was overly intoxicated and needed to be driven to her hotel. Which he did and very gentlemanly. She had thrown up and he helped and never made any advancements but a few comments she was having trouble remembering in the am as she recalled the evening. He left and since he was her boss, she was mortified he had seen her that way at a work related party and thought she may be facing termination. Instead, she finds out she’s to be his personal assistant during their line of work (which meant they would spend more time together – remember nothing physically had happened yet. All subtle). After months of flirting working side by side, sharing unhappy stories about their spouses – she gets yet another promotion and other employees complain as she was only there for a year at this point and they felt they deserved. She was great at her job but this job ALSO kept her closer to him.

    Long story short – they begin an intimate relationship. And it was all she (and according to him as well) always dreamt of. They try their best to hide from coworkers (to this day, this is still unknown but assumed) and he actually rents an apartment and says he’s moving out and leaving his wife. Ashley (we’ll call my best friend) decides to get her divorce papers drawn up as well. All seems well. The relationship IS all we dream of. She was so happy (all things considered). He’s claiming to be leaving his wife and even tells her he’s leaving … and it looks as if he is since ashley and him met at the apartment of his regularly (but she would notice things hadn’t been moved since they had been there last which implied to her that he went home after they’d meet).

    3 children of her own (10 oldest and 3 youngest at this point) she finds out she’s pregnant with their “love child”. He’s thrilled (🙄) as she is – bc we know all children are a blessing despite this horrible situation. They talk of the future with all the bells & whistles but the only “issue” is he loves his very young children at home ( 3 and 1) – understanding and very noteworthy- and it’s all of a sudden “hard for him to leave”. Remember – this is AFTER A YEAR of “I love you”, “I’m leaving my wife for what we have together”, “you are all I need” and all that crap (it’s really all crap EVEN IF THERE are legitimate , even deep, feelings). So when she finds out she’s pregnant, she never EVER considers he will be “thrilled” by it for months (even throwing out baby names etc) and then starts ironically leaving the EXACT amount of $ on the table for an abortion (😰😰) EACH time they would meet. He would begin to bring up abortions in general, which considering how he loves his children now was a shock & his profession you’d never ever assume he would even consider as an option.

    Against my prayers and my personal begging to not do it, Ashley unfortunately has an abortion just shy of 14 weeks pregnant (breaks my heart STILL). He NEVER calls the am of to stop her or ask her if she’s even going through with it (although the whole time saying it’s her body and he supports her choice either way. And openly being against abortion to others) so that actually pushes her to follow through (and that’s the worst part to me). And he is still saying at this point he’s going to leave his wife, the next week he can’t leave , then he’s leaving … on and on. But she’s hanging on dearly bc she’s “madly in love”. And this whole time her husband literally has no clue bc he’s detached already from the start of their unhealthy marriage as it is.

    The abortion and his apparent, out of the blue, unconcerned for the emotional aspect of an abortion puts her in a deep depression…. bad….this was a year and a half ago and she’s STILL dealing with this emotionally. But as a mother, she KNEW what she did and seeing her children’s faces each day are a constant reminder. But besides this, she also quits her job (which is her dream job that she always wanted and had done so well and advanced quickly bc of her wit, intellect and passion for her job) bc being around him constantly wasnt as heartwarming as it once was. His calls and texts were getting less frequent but always accompioned with “I love you”s and all that. And she’s eaten her depression and has gained about 50lbs as of now (in the present). People at work were also starting to discuss the time they were spending with one another. But yet- neither spouse ever knew.

    Shortly after the abortion, they have a conversation at lunch where they basically ended it- but it was an ending like “we are star crossed lovers who really are meant to be together and it didn’t work out” kind of thing bc of the obvious fact they BOTH are married and he is her boss. He promises to help her find a new job as he’s the reason all her hard work has been thrown down the drain (HE made the initial advancements and went out of the way to make sure they worked side by side but yes she DID have a choice to keep it professional but allowed her emotions to dictate her actions), which he did write an amazing letter of recommendation etc. BUT, whenever she does her job she thinks of HIM & the baby – bc he taught her all she knows and it brings it all back up for her. Mainly the abortion hurts her the most.

    So, bc she was getting the attention and love she was lacking from her own husband – she followed that instead of logic and all it has brought is HONEST TO GOD – heartache unfathomable, her career out the window, a hole left in her heart bc she knows the kind of love that’s possible but unattainable with her husband (at the moment but all things are possible with God so I’m still praying for the relationship to be reconciled with her husband fully) and that sucks, a forever scar that she truly killed her unborn child to protect their reputation (her boss is from a very well known family in the community; socially & politically up the family tree) and to hide their infedelity, current weight is 200lbs and as she’s 5’10 that’s not bad but for her personally she’s usually around 130lbs so of course this affects her self esteem and of course the shame of being an adulteress. It’ll NEVER be forgotten.

    Looking back, it’s almost as if this was all a master plan from the Beau bc of what he was lacking at home. He NEVER intended to ever leave his wife. Yes, they were having a rough patch as all married couples go through but still not going to ever completely leave. And HAD HE left, that whole relationship/marriage would have been filled with all the tormoil we see on this page with her being the “other woman who stole another’s husband” and she – nor he- wanted. That’s NOT love. Those children didn’t ask to be given to a parent who follows every sexual whim felt over what’s best for them anyway so that was going to be a recipe for disaster. And one that would last a lifetime.

    My only point in responding to your post was to tell you what I told her from the beginning … DONT DO IT. But this time I’m armed with actual truths to share in hopes to prove that which ever way you slice it, YOU WILL GET ALL THE BRUNT OF EVERY NEGATIVE ASPECT OF IT – and the ones that affect emotionally, which are the worst anyway . I’m also assuming he may have kids – so those innocents deserve some respect too and most likely won’t “like” you whenever they realize the origins of their fathers relationship with you. And even though I don’t know you, I’m assuming that you’d never envision THAT as your actual life. Nobody wants that chaos in their life. Just take it from me who has SEEN with my own two eyes how totally UNWORTHY it would be to YOURSELF to carry on to an intimate relationship (which only brings on even more emotions into the equation) bc at the end of it all – I guarantee it WILL NOT bring the results you’re imagining in your head it will. These kind of men just are “needy” or whatever and use other women to fullfil that desire but never consider any lasting relationship that is monogomos – regardless of what they spew from their mouth – remember most men think/speak/act with their penis and not their brain. This doesn’t seem to change with age either even though we THINK it does. It’s just NOT WORTH IT. It’s unbecoming of WHO you WANT to be anyway. YOU are NOT “the other woman” and should never settle for that label. No matter how pretty it’s all wrapped up. The gift is still CRAP. And the scars can remain for quite some time – and the man just goes home to his wife and normal life while you’re stuck with all the heartache and pain …alone & ashamed. I wish I KNEW you so I could know you are hearing my words and won’t let this go further. No matter WHAT, YOU will not come out on top in this. It just doesn’t happen. You’re writing a post on “she’s a home wrecker” – I GUARANTEE that is NOT “who” you are NOR anything close to how you’d want to think of yourself or have others think of you. Imagine introducing him to your family – you’d have to make up a lie or how y’all met OR just be honest and all family would know it started while he was married. I think that’s sad. You deserve to find YOUR person without all that baggage and get to start YOUR OWN family and that’s a beautiful thing … even if it seems to be taking longer than you’d like. Having someone who loves you and CAN LOVE YOU openly and without having to deal with ex wives etc IS well worth the wait. Not to mention, why be with someone you could never trust bc of you know how y’all met and the deception he gave to his wife during yalls rendezvous? Not worth always wondering … you know? Be true to YOURSELF and be strong enough to not succumb to your emotions so quickly without using logic and common sense bc ANY man who is so quick to flirt etc with “a newer model” and is happy to toss aside his wife and possible children are NOT qualities in a man we would want to spend forever with, just like it’s nothing close to the character traits a woman would be looking for in a man whom they are considering being intimate with bc the whole point of dating is to practice for marriage (and hopefully being abstinent during this courting process) – just take it from me – you’re better than that, that life is not your life and you have a CHOICE NOW … before the guaranteed bitter end with the lifelong guilt and shame you’d feel. Think of your future children learning this of you – or your future husband … and most importantly of his wife who has no idea the man she promised to love and cherish (no matter how “horrible” she seems to be) is giving HER LOVE to another and try to think how you’d feel if you were her. It will be regretted and if you read all of these comments and take heed, YOU will be saving the most important person from some very sad times ahead that you & staying true to the morals one generally holds for themselves ; YOU! Bc YOU are NOT some mans late night secret … we all deserve true love and true love is not to be kept unseen or secret. It’s to be shared with all actually. And when “the one” actually comes, you’ll be so glad you weren’t wrapped up in some fantasy land of pain and obscure lust that’s portrayed as love so you can have a fulfilling relationship without some very intense baggage …. this man just wants to have sex. We get emotionally attached when we are intimate but men don’t. They seem to just want something “different” and new bc THEY are bored or whatever (which is why you hear all about how unhappy he is with his wife – he is prepping you as you clearly can see from what you wrote) and it’s not YOUR job to fulfill his sexual needs. He has a wife, and she’s not you, and encouraging this is not going to make any of that go away. Relationships are hard as it / why add all that to it from the START ? YOU don’t really want that dysfunctional lifestyle anyway so be sure to be strong to be the adult and STOP this relationship. Grieve his loss and be patient bc your turn is coming and I promise you, it’s going to be FAR better than any married man and his broken promises can EVER be and you WILL THANK YOURSELF for not being foolish enough to believe that our desires are all that matters in life. We have our brains to use them and you would NEVRR have posted this if this was a budding relationship with a man who was not married so this tells us that you are aware that this is not good in anyway and you have a working conscience- listen to it ❤️ That’s the Holy Spirit telling you no and HE IS your best friend and will never steer you wrong. Good luck. End it now before all the other stuff comes out of this – you don’t want to be like Ashley bc you are smarter

  4. The WifeNovember 28, 2017 at 1:51 pm

    Yes – you are a home wrecker, as is he. He’s lying to you, and to his wife, and you’re lying to yourself. If you have to write here to ask the question, you already know the answer. GET AWAY FROM HIM AND REPORT HIM TO THE COLLEGE! He’s manipulating you and you’re letting him. Do what he wants, someone prettier, smarter, and funnier will come along and you will be out on your a$$. You’re in college – wise up!!!

  5. Academic WifeNovember 22, 2017 at 5:07 am

    Run. Run as fast as you can. This will not end well and it could destroy your career. Do not have an affair with a man who has so much control over your professional future. That “horrible” woman probably the woman who supported him throughout graduate school. And, you’re probably not his first nor last conquest. Nothing good can come of this.

  6. ArdithNovember 20, 2017 at 11:20 am

    You should not have to sleep with someone’s to keep your husband happy. If your not comfortable then don’t do it

  7. SashaNovember 19, 2017 at 7:47 pm

    You want to do this or you wouldn’t ask. It’s like you’re really asking for permission. He’s leading you on and telling you some sob story about his life. Don’t act stupid. You know what he’s doing. You do it, you are a homewrecker (along with him). Do yourself a favor and don’t.

  8. EdenNovember 19, 2017 at 7:32 pm

    Oh sweetie. He’s lying to you. I know you like him, but he’s stringing you along. It may be flattering, but I guarantee you’re not the first.

  9. No.. Just noNovember 19, 2017 at 4:46 pm

    No.. You definitely need to keep you pants ON!! Just because he says she could be cheating doesn’t make it right if you and him sleep together!! He could be the lying cheater and she could be the perfect wife!!

  10. BatmanNovember 19, 2017 at 3:08 pm

    If you have to ask that question you already know! He’s your teacher so that’s way outta line, how many other students has he given the same sob story? I call b.s. on him leaving his wife… Bail now.

    • ProteusNovember 20, 2017 at 11:18 am

      Perfectly stated

  11. TammyNovember 19, 2017 at 1:45 pm

    If you ever need anyone to talk to and no judgement call me (973)***-9693

  12. TammyNovember 19, 2017 at 1:09 pm

    This is a mess already, you don’t want to get in to this drama. You have to be an adult use your head. Walk away from this situation. You will ruin your future. Go to college and focus on your career. No one will finish the college for you. He is going to lose his job, and his family for no reason. It doesn’t seem like love it just seem like a lust. He is not someone you want to be with. He has no respect for his wife and for himself. How do you think he going to respect you. Stay away from his affair with his wife. Leave that to deal with. If he goes talking bad about his wife to everyone when he has a fight. What makes you think that he won’t do the same to you. Please leave before it’s to late. It’s not worth it!

  13. PearlNovember 19, 2017 at 11:42 am

    Honey don’t be in second place for this man. Know your worth you are better then that. What he chooses to put first in his life is his wife. Even though he tells you his sad stories and you feel like he is drifting from her. No one knows what really going on at his house except him and his wife. You are a smart girl obviously since your in college. If you are going to put yourself out there. Do it with a man who is 100 percent available.

  14. SuperwomanNovember 19, 2017 at 9:36 am

    Don’t go. If she was that terrible, he would have left her. Don’t play his game. Start keeping it professional because he might be doing this with his past TA’s.

  15. JakelynnNovember 19, 2017 at 7:03 am

    girl you better run the other way fast. you yourself asking if your a terrible person, oh yeah you are or will be if you allow this to go any further. wake up, he’s MARRIED and 9 times out of ten he’s shooting you a line of crap about his wife just to get in your pants. if you let this happen you know what will happen if the school finds out, your kicked out and he’s out of a job all because you two couldn’t keep your pants on and leave will enough alone. it takes two, so that would mean your BOTH homewreckers. think about it, is it worth the possibility of losing your education and looking like a fool and an idiot in the end all because of one Stupid mistake.

  16. FuckhomewreckersNovember 19, 2017 at 5:20 am

    Do you belong on this website if you have sex with him???? Are you really THAT f#*king stupid?? Or just THAT desperate!!!??? Do you have any idea the destruction and pain that women like YOU bring into a marriage!!!????? It truly blows my mind that you would even be stupid enough to pick this site of all the sites out there to seek out “advice” on how to handle being a home wrecking WH#*E!!! Because that is EXACTLY what you are!!!…….ALREADY!!!!! You are disgusting scum of the earth bottom feeding c**t!!! And if you do end up f#*king this LYING POS…..I hope you not only get SEVERAL long lasting STDs but the karma of wrecking a family stays with you for the rest of your miserable existence!!! And you get treated ten times worse by every man you fall for than this man is treating his wife now by f#*king around with your wh**g a$$!!!

    Oh and trust me skank you are NOTHINGGGGGGG MORE than a fresh piece of a$$ to this POS!! He doesn’t care about you!! And please don’t be stupid enough to think you’re the only one….because you’re NOT!!! And who gives AF what his marriage is like. Or how much of a b#*ch his wife MAY be!!! You still have NO RIGHT to plop your nasty skank a$$ into the middle of it!! And IF you had a single shred of self respect you would STOP NOW!!!! And not only STOP NOW but report his sorry a$$ to the school!!! And then do some work on YOURSELF before you seek out ANY future relationships!! And learn to love and respect yourself enough to NEVER even consider doing something so pathetic again!!!!

  17. BrittanyNovember 18, 2017 at 10:25 pm

    Stop before it’s late. U don’t know the other side of this. He could just b telling u those things to lure you in. For all you new his wife could paint a completely different picture for you. I’m only saying this because I’ve been on the other end of this and had it happen to my family. And it’s devastating especially when there’s children involved.

  18. AmberdearNovember 18, 2017 at 10:09 pm

    Yes you would belong here if you knowingly sleep with a married man no matter what. I think you knew that though.

  19. Mz HydeNovember 18, 2017 at 9:26 pm

    He’s married. Period. End of discussion. Do you honestly think he’s being truthful with you about his relationship with his wife?? He’s NOT going to tell you the truth about his relationship with his wife if he wants to have sex with you! If he really wants to leave his wife, wait until he does so until you start a sexual relationship with him. He needs to end that marriage to start fresh with you. But all he wants is you as his side piece. I can guarantee you that if you have an affair with him and when, not if, his wife finds out, he’ll drop your ass so he doesn’t lose his wife. Cheaters lie. Period. He’ll be lying to her and he’s lying to you. And if he has kids, you’re taking his time away from them. Don’t be a whore.

  20. VNovember 18, 2017 at 5:42 pm

    Just remenber what goes around comes around… you don’t know her side of the story and think about when you become married what infidelity will do to you… and yes if you go thru with it… I’m sorry to say you would belong on here.