S.A.H.W. Support…

S.A.H.W. Support…

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I am such an idiot. I had the most amazing life, a future wife… and I totally blew it. I’m tempted to put myself on here because I could be the biggest one of them all… My name is Alexander, and this is how I wrecked my own home… it all started three months ago when I started to get cold feet in my engagement. Thinking about it now I really can’t explain what was going on in my head at that time. Maybe just the finality of it. It’s not like I was dying to go out and be with other women…

4 months later now and I still haven’t been with anyone else since her. Which is strange, for me. I wouldn’t call myself a ladies man, or a player, I can’t stand those guys, but since we broke up, obviously I have had opportunities, we all know about the token “breakup woodwork” the comes creepin out after a an SO’s departure is made common knowledge. It’s just not my style… I was raised by a single mother with 4 daughters, so it was just me and my older brother, in a house full of women. I learned a lot. When I was 15 my brother Joined the ARMY. He was only 18, but wanted nothing more than to serve. Even though Stanford was offering him a full scholarship to go play baseball for them… he chose the red, white, and blue. This whole time was a turning point for me… 3 months after being deployed he was killed in Afganistant by the same people he was trying to protect… and I became the man of the house. My point to all this is, I grew up watching a single mother raise 6 kids on her own, hold down a job, a house, put food on the table, and while doing all of this, still trying to find the right man. She never had much luck in that department, and even though I loved my mother with all my heart, the revolving door of terrible, lying, cheating, and abusive men was endless. They always seemed nice at first… taking us all out, bringing the girls presents and stuff like that, but they all eventually showed their true colors and would end up hurting my mom in some way. Mostly emotionally, although a few of them were physical as well. As my brother and I got older we started to become very protective of our Mom, and all the girls in general… Every guy that came to the house to see my mom knew that if they ever hurt her, they would have to deal with consequences from her boys. Then the girls started to get older and their interest in boys (usually the same one FML) was a whole new problem that I was left to deal with all on my own, without my big bro… I was probably too protective to be honest during that time… but all the little a$$holes that were coming around the house just reminded me of all the future a$$holes my mom was always dating. I wanted better for them, and eventually I learned it wasn’t my place to tell them what to do, let alone who to date. But, like I said, I learned a lot. Mostly I learned what kind of man I DIDN’T want to be, and decided at a young age that when I did find someone, I would treat them right, the ways I always wanted the girls to be treated, and protect them from all the past and present A$$holes of the world. Well, I failed at all of those things. I asked a girl to marry me, and then just walked away for no reason like a coward. I don’t know, I have realized through this that something might be broken inside me… and I just don’t know what to do at this point… Like I said, I am anything but a Casanova. Contrary to popular belief… it just doesn’t interest me. Friends of mine always think I have like all these chicks on deck, and are always asking me to “hook them up”, but the truth is I just don’t. Women I date usually think the same thing initially, until they get to really know me and spend time with me, and realize that my phone probably isn’t blowing up as much as they thought it was. Since my brother died I’ve always been kind of a loner, even though given certain social atmospheres I probably appear to be some kind of retarded social butterfly. Now that you are getting the picture you can imagine how stupid I feel for letting someone go that not only accepted all of my BS, but actually loved me for it… putting that ring on her finger was probably one of the smartest things I have ever done in my life, and leaving her is probably the dumbest. Now she is hurt, confused, and pretty much hates men I think. She would never say that, she’s too good of a person to do that… but when I have called her recently, it feels like even hearing my voice just brings her pain and some kind of sadness. She is also acting out a little I think, because all she has been posting on social media are these like, wild and crazy nights out with her friends, rock shows with guys, different bars, clubs, and ALWAYS with a drink in her hand. TBH a part of me wants to say like “fuck yeah, right on girl, get out there, have a good time, your young, life is short, enjoy yourself…. and f*ck that a$$ole ex fiancé guy…”. Like, I get it dude, and you know what I would rather her be out their enjoying herself, and enjoying life, than sitting in her room, depressed and angry, listening to Beyoncé and Alanis Morrisette plotting her revenge. Although I probably deserve it. I just really want to see her again, and somehow find a way to apologize to her for turning her whole world upside down, and walking away from all the pormises I swore to keep… I know she doesn’t owe me that, and really doesn’t owe me anything, and most likely for her she has already found someone else that makes her happy, and she deserves that. I just wanted to share this your site, maybe you could post it to remind all the guys out there to cherish they have, good women are never easy to find, and when you find her, hold on to her, because the good never seem as good until their gone. – Says the guy that secretly stalks the love of his life on the internet, because it’s all he has left…

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  1. OnTheOutsideLookingInAugust 10, 2018 at 4:02 pm

    I’m sorry for both of you, at least you are admitting you are in the wrong. She is devastated. Maybe you owe yourself some type of therapy to figure out why you ran from your fiance. None of us are perfect. I would suggest doing exactly what you are doing, stay single until you can figure out what made you bail as to not have a repeat. I have found that in order to love or trust anyone else we must be content with ourselves, single is not a dirty word. Selfish is what we become when we continue to subject others to pain because we can’t commit. Try & not be so hard on yourself. Thankfully, you did not go thru w a wedding that could of later on harmed children. In re to the jilted fiance, apologize, continue to man up & then leave her alone so she can heal from the pain as well as embarrassment of being “left at the altar” so to speak. If something is meant to be, it will be. This entire culture of being a player is utterly confusing to me. Life is short & in time all of your male friends will come to realize that lifestyle gets old. Looks fade, people change. In the end, what we all should be looking for is someone who makes us want to be better people. 20 years from now you will find that an attractive person whom doesn’t stimulate your mind as well as your body will be unfullfilling. Your partner should make you laugh, be supportive thru good & bad. I speak from experience. Pretty boys tempted my eyes but did nothing much else. Being happy is a choice, start each day thankful for the little things. Did you screw up? Yes, but at least you are trying to break the pattern that got you there. Simply put you are admitting/learning from your mistakes. This is how boys become men. Best of luck……

  2. IrishtupperwareAugust 9, 2018 at 1:42 pm

    It’s cool to find the “one”, but you don’t want to marry in this day & age. After a short while, you’ll get the ole “not tonight honey, I have a headache” or some other lame excuse night after night.

    Like the old saying goes: The cure for nymphomania is wedding cake!