S.A.H.W. Support…

S.A.H.W. Support…

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I was a serial cheater against my first wife of ten years. I have read hundreds of entries on this site (frankly, seeing if I was on here, I am not) and the more I read of the pain, hurt and sadistic nature of cheating, the more I realize how terrible I was. It never occurred to my simple ass that cheating hurt my kids. Even if you don’t give a f*** about her/him – your kids do and it’s hurtful. I am no longer that way but I really never grasped the gravity of my prior life and actions. I now know I can never really fix what I have done and I have damaged 2 of the most important people in my life irreparably. This doesn’t expose anyone, it more or less is a more measured way of expressing the hurt and guilt, and advice to all those out there that it is not worth the pain you will inflict on those you love the most. I would do anything to take back that pain from the woman I truly loved, but clearly didn’t deserve. She deserves better than someone that would do that to her. In fact, upon reflection of it now, I cannot for the life of me comprehend how anyone could do that to her… let alone myself. Note to selves guys… don’t f**k up the best thing thats ever happened to you for literally the worst thing that’s about to. Crazy thing is it has made me make some serious changes in my life since our divorce… I will be 6 years sober on the 14th of next month… and she has even been calling me lately asking me about giving us another shot and honestly I would give anything in the world to redeem that woman’s heart, but for some reason I just can’t do it. The shame and dissapointment in myself to doing that to her and our kids all those years ago still haunt me to this day. Because of that I don’t really date, I don’t pursue women, in fact in my opinion I really dont think I deserve to have anyone after what I did. So guys, gals, just know, coming from someone that does, someone that has never been one for the dramatics and self pity. This thing destroyed me. And I deserved it.

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  1. Just another Scorned WifeAugust 19, 2018 at 6:35 am

    It is good that you now have seen the errors of your ways, to bad you couldn’t learn this after the first time. And if your wife is truly talking about a reconciliation and is willing to open her heart back to you then you might one to open your arms and wrap her in them because you will never get another chance like that again. Stop being selfish, you made it all about you for the 10years you cheated on her, now it is about her and what she wants and needs. So what if you have to live with the pain and guilt of what you did to her, she lived with it everyone she discovered someone else, Everytime she forgave you and gave you another chance. You say you would give anything, do anything to earn that woman’s heart and love back but then turn around and say you can’t because you can’t face what you did to her, I call bullshit. That woman is a strong woman and is obviously in love with you so here is that chance you claim to want. Don’t screw it up again. It is possible to make it work and to move on. My husband and I are on year 2 after 7 years of him being a habitual cheater, and yes it is hard, some days harder then others, but slowly the pain is healing in both of us and I truly believe there will come a day when the pain will be a distant memory.

  2. GuiltAugust 15, 2018 at 4:05 am

    You don’t have to punish yourself if she is willing to forgive you should try to forgive yourself
    Alcohol can ruin you and you have slayed that dragon