I was a serial cheater against my first wife of ten years. I have read hundreds of entries on this site (frankly, seeing if I was on here, I am not) and the more I read of the pain, hurt and sadistic nature of cheating, the more I realize how terrible I was. It never occurred to my simple ass that cheating hurt my kids. Even if you don’t give a f*** about her/him – your kids do and it’s hurtful. I am no longer that way but I really never grasped the gravity of my prior life and actions. I now know I can never really fix what I have done and I have damaged 2 of the most important people in my life irreparably. This doesn’t expose anyone, it more or less is a more measured way of expressing the hurt and guilt, and advice to all those out there that it is not worth the pain you will inflict on those you love the most. I would do anything to take back that pain from the woman I truly loved, but clearly didn’t deserve. She deserves better than someone that would do that to her. In fact, upon reflection of it now, I cannot for the life of me comprehend how anyone could do that to her… let alone myself. Note to selves guys… don’t f**k up the best thing thats ever happened to you for literally the worst thing that’s about to. Crazy thing is it has made me make some serious changes in my life since our divorce… I will be 6 years sober on the 14th of next month… and she has even been calling me lately asking me about giving us another shot and honestly I would give anything in the world to redeem that woman’s heart, but for some reason I just can’t do it. The shame and dissapointment in myself to doing that to her and our kids all those years ago still haunt me to this day. Because of that I don’t really date, I don’t pursue women, in fact in my opinion I really dont think I deserve to have anyone after what I did. So guys, gals, just know, coming from someone that does, someone that has never been one for the dramatics and self pity. This thing destroyed me. And I deserved it.